Relationship Intimacy in the Age of Social Media

<p><br />These days, virtually everyone owns a computer, smart-phone, or mobile device. Digital interaction is an integral part of our everyday routine. We check emails and texts, update our Facebook page, fire off a tweet or two, and then finish our morning coffee. Digital interconnectivity provides endless new opportunities to support our very human need for community and social interaction. Innovations like Facebook, with over 500 million users, and Twitter, with over 300 million users, now allow real-time interactions with an increasingly wider and more diverse group of people. Best of all, friends and family too distant for regular contact just a few years ago can now be intimately folded into our lives. We make friends, we share our experiences, we celebrate, and we commiserate – one world, a growing interactive community. For partners, spouses, and families separated for long periods of time by work or military service, the tech-connect boom is a godsend. Couples, children, and parents are now able to bond long-distance in real time, sharing a growing child’s latest milestone, and even engaging in visual intimacy via the webcams now routinely incorporated into computers and smart-phones. And those not yet in a committed relationship can put technology to good use when home or traveling via e-dating, establishing and growing budding relationships with less of a focus on who lives where. Poke Me? For those unfamiliar with the term “poke,” allow me to enlighten you. In the online social media world of Facebook there is a button that allows you to poke someone. When you poke them, an icon appears on their Facebook page letting them know they’ve been poked, and by whom. The purpose of a virtual poke is the same as that of a real-world poke – to get someone’s attention without actually having to say anything, or, in the case of Facebook, write anything. If you’ve been poked, it means someone is thinking about you, likes you, thinks you’re a good person, thinks you’ve got a great new haircut, or whatever. It also means they have chosen not to engage you via more time-consuming methods like phoning, texting, emailing, instant messaging, or, heaven forbid, stopping by your house and knocking on the door. So what is a poke worth? Is a poke a meaningful social interaction? I know what you may be thinking, but this is a serious question, especially if you are under 25 and grew up with social media as an ingrained part of your daily interactions. There are other questions, too. Should a virtual relationship grow, as many do, beyond a simple poke? If so, how do you know which ones are healthy to maintain and grow? Can “virtual” intimacy be as healthy as a real-world relationship? Does it mean as much when Facebook reminds someone of your birthday as it does when someone actually remembers your birthday? These questions are particularly important for those already struggling with Internet or “real-life” social or intimacy deficits. Generally speaking, healthy, successful relationships of all stripes involve: Physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, and embracing Respect, shown by taking an active interest in others, having empathy for their challenges, and championing their successes Offering support and lending a helping hand when needed, giving advice when asked, and providing unexpected acts of kindness Quality time devoted to evolving our connection to those we care about Valuing, validating, and recognizing who another person is and what they bring to the table In at least a few of these areas, social media comes up short. Clearly there is no virtual equivalent to the warmth of a loving embrace, kiss, or intimate touch – though no doubt we will come to physically experience our loved ones’ embraces via electronic media in the days to come. It is also more challenging, though not impossible, to be a fully empathic listener and advisor online, as Internet interactions lack the full range of feedback that comes in the physical presence of another person (though webcams can help). As for quality time, research shows a mirror relationship between the increased use of technology and decreased levels of quality interpersonal interaction – even among family members. Facebook may just be the new television in this regard. Face-hooked? Perhaps it is no surprise that seemingly benign social media sites like Facebook can become problematic for those predisposed to compulsive, impulsive and addictive behavior. Social media sites have, in fact, become a new (and socially acceptable) place to peruse intimate photos, gain personal information, seek out hot chats, and hook up for virtual or in-person sexual encounters. Self-identified relationship and sexual addicts increasingly describe these networks as a primary location where they routinely “find themselves” lost in an obsessive search for sexual and/or romantic intensity. Consider Janelle, a 29-year-old housewife and mother of two young boys, who takes great pride in being a good mom and having married an engaged and loving man. Sadly, Janelle grew up in an emotionally abusive, addictive family, a situation that lead to her losing much of her early adult life to active drug and alcohol addiction. Thankfully, after several years of involvement and hard work in therapy and AA, Janelle got sober and remained so for nearly seven years. Recently though, feeling beyond bored and stuck at home with no one to talk to other than two toddlers, Janelle discovered Facebook. Initially she gratefully utilized this new media outlet to reconnect with old high school friends and distant family while at home with her kids. But one day – out of the blue – she received a poke and follow-up email from an attractive man she’d never met, asking her to chat online. This simple communication triggered a cascade of unanticipated excitement she’d not felt since prior to getting sober. Within a few weeks Janelle was impatiently waiting for her husband to leave each day so she could go online and connect. Within a few months she found herself involved in a string of online affairs, distracted from parenting and having strong fantasies of hooking-up with some of her new online buddies. A year and several anonymous sexual encounters later, Janelle relapsed with alcohol and cocaine while having a sexual encounter with a stranger met online. Today Janelle is in gender separate treatment for co-occurring addictions at The Ranch in Tennessee, working hard to understand how once again her life got away from her. Social Interaction: Reformatted Most people are familiar with Facebook. Twitter, however, is a newer form of social media that has taken the digital world by storm. On Twitter, users send social messages or “micro-blogs” up to 140 characters long. These messages are known as “tweets.” Tweets are read by “followers.” Followers are to Twitter what “friends” are to Facebook. Like it or not, Facebook, Twitter, and related social media have already begun to irrevocably shift age-old paradigms of social (and cultural) interaction. For those whose lives have become deeply entwined in social media, feelings of self-worth can be tied to the number of Facebook friends and/or Twitter followers they have. In therapy, they report feeling their emotional stability and self-esteem wax and wane in direct relation to how these virtual communities and individuals respond to each carefully phrased post and tweet. Losing a Twitter follower or having your numbers go down can feel devastating for some – the meaning of which can be undervalued or completely missed by an otherwise well-meaning clinician who is not well-versed in these media. Consequently, individuals suffering from depression or anxiety often find their conditions exacerbated by online interaction. And many an intimate relationship has ended badly because of one partner’s poor online boundaries and/or social media driven sexual acting out. Perhaps it is time to consider a few social media guidelines: For those in intimate partnerships it may well be worth utilizing a joint social media account. Sharing one online world will likely lead to lively discussions about how the couple mutually experiences social media. This can bring the pair together not only physically, but emotionally. They can jointly decide who to be friends with, what pages to like, who to follow, and what they want to communicate to the world about their lives together. This can also help reduce the fear that one or the other partner might be cyber-straying while on an individual account. Parents of young children and teens should strongly consider a joint or family social media account for reasons similar to those above and the fact that this can serve as a healthy way to monitor a child’s online interaction. Individuals concerned about their online vulnerability to sexual or romantic overtures should consider a commitment to only friending (adding people to their social network) people they already know and like in the real world. Facebook and social media accounts can readily be set up to allow interactions only with previously known individuals. And, by the way, the competition to see who can amass the most Internet friends is over. Lady Gaga and Oprah won. End of story. For those who sadly evaluate their Twitter follower numbers as if Twitter was a social stock market, it is best to be reminded that Twitter is about building community with like-minded people and exploring the lives of others without governmental or media influence. Unless you utilize Twitter for business purposes, who cares how many people follow you? What matters is what the people you follow have to say and how the people who follow you respond to your thoughts and experience. By taking this stance, the twitterverse becomes a place of social engagement and enlightenment rather than a high-school-like popularity contest. Don’t discuss or air any relationship or personal problems on Facebook or Twitter. Ever. If you’re struggling with your spouse or a friend, discuss it with them directly, or in therapy, or with a member of the clergy, or in some other suitable non-social media venue.  A good filter for what to and what not to post is the following: if these are ideas or images you would not want associated with you on your local evening news, then these ideas or images are not appropriate for social media. If you’re sick of social media, experiencing information overload, or your involvement online is a source of ongoing anxiety or despair, QUIT. Try interacting with friends and loved ones in person. You might just find that while you were busy online they actually missed you. Ultimately, social media can enrich, enliven, and enlighten nearly every area of our lives from cooking tips to the Arab Spring. Maintaining contact with far-away friends and family, learning about new and interesting topics, and sharing our opinions and expertise are wonderful things. But social media has not as yet found a way to replace or fully replicate the social, physical, and relationship needs that are met when we engage face to face. A healthy life requires balance, and an overdose of social media for an extended period can bring about unnecessary emotional, financial, relationship, and career consequences. Robert Weiss is the author of three books on sexual addiction and Founding Director of the premiere sex addiction treatment program, The Sexual Recovery Institute. He is Director of Sexual Disorders Services at The Ranch and Promises Treatment Centers. These centers serve individuals seeking sexual addiction treatment, love addiction treatment, and porn addiction help. Specifically, the Centers for Relationship and Sexual Recovery at The Ranch (CRSR) offer specialized intimacy, sex and relationship addiction treatment for both men and women in gender-specific, gender-separate treatment and living environments.</p>

Relationship Intimacy in the Age of Social Media

These days, virtually everyone owns a computer, smart-phone, or mobile device. Digital interaction is an integral part of our everyday routi...

Read more »

Food Can Be Addictive, Says Dr. Nora Volkow, Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse

<p><br />Can food really be as addictive as drugs? In an impassioned lecture at Rockefeller University on Wednesday, Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, made the case that the answer is yes and that understanding the commonalities between food and drug addictions could offer insights into all types of compulsive behavior. Volkow began by acknowledging that the idea is controversial. “This is a concept that is rejected by many people,” she said. “It has polarized the [addictions] field.” Many experts dismiss food as an addictive substance because it doesn’t lead to most people behaving like addicts — compulsively seeking food despite negative consequences. So, the reasoning goes, food can’t be as addictive as a drug like crack cocaine. What that fails to recognize, however, is that crack cocaine itself isn’t as addictive as is commonly believed. “If you look at people who take drugs, the majority are not addicted,” Volkow said. Indeed, even for drugs like crack and heroin, fewer than 20% of users become addicted. In contrast, if you look at the proportion of people who are currently obese — some 34% of adults over 20 — it’s a significantly larger group. Add in those who are overweight, and fully two-thirds of Americans clearly have significant difficulties controlling their food intake. So, measured by the proportion of those who behave in health-risking ways with each substance, food could actually be considered several times more “addictive” than crack.</p>

Food Can Be Addictive, Says Dr. Nora Volkow, Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse

Can food really be as addictive as drugs? In an impassioned lecture at Rockefeller University on Wednesday, Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the...

Read more »

Eating Berries Could Guard Men Against Parkinson's

<p> </p><p>Eating strawberries, blueberries, blackcurrants and blackberries, which are rich in flavonoids, could reduce the risk of Parkinson's disease in men, finds a research. Men who ate the fruits along with other foods rich in flavonoids were found to be 40 percent less likely to develop the brain disease, Daily Mail reported Thursday. And those who ate berries at least once a week could cut their risk of developing the disease by a quarter compared with those who never ate them, the study by British and US experts has found. Flavonoids - also found in tea and red wine - are antioxidants which can offer protection against diseases like heart disease, some cancers and dementia. The research is the first large-scale study looking at the effect of flavonoids in protecting against Parkinson's disease. It causes tremors and muscular rigidity or stiffness, and affects all kinds of movement in the body. Xiang Gao of Harvard School of Public Health, one of the study leaders, said: "Given the other potential health effects of berry fruits, such as lowering risk of hypertension as reported in our previous studies, it is good to regularly add these fruits to your diet."</p>

Eating Berries Could Guard Men Against Parkinson's

  Eating strawberries, blueberries, blackcurrants and blackberries, which are rich in flavonoids, could reduce the risk of Parkinson's d...

Read more »

Tobacco display ban 'to curb young smokers'

<p> </p><p>A ban on tobacco displays is coming into force in England - with ministers promising it will help curb the number of young people taking up smoking. The ban will apply only to large shops and supermarkets, with smaller outlets given an exemption until 2015. It means cigarettes and other products will have to be kept below the counter. Other parts of the UK are planning similar action as part of a concerted effort to drive down smoking rates. Health Secretary Andrew Lansley told the BBC he hoped the ban would prevent people from taking up smoking and also help those trying to give up. Continue reading the main story “ Start Quote I hope we can make a big difference” Andrew Lansley Health Secretary He said: "Firstly, it reduces the visibility of tobacco and smoking to young people. And, of course two-thirds of smokers started smoking before they were eighteen. "So, if we can, literally, arrive at a place where young people just don't think about smoking and they don't see tobacco and they don't see cigarettes - then I hope we can make a big difference." He said the government recognised the pressures on retailers to comply with the ban but added: "We want to arrive at a place where we no longer see smoking as a normal part of life. We're doing it by stages with constant active pressure." 'Colourful displays' A fifth of adults smoke - a figure which has remained steady in recent years after decades of rapid falls. A plan to force manufacturers to put cigarettes into plain packets is also expected to be put out to consultation later this year. The display ban will apply to shops of more than 280 sq m (3,014 sq ft). Continue reading the main story “ Start Quote It's essential that we create a culture that promotes and protects public health and tobacco legislation is a significant factor in making this happen” Jo Butcher National Children's Bureau Public health minister Anne Milton cited evidence from Ireland which suggested the measure could play an important role in discouraging young people in particular from smoking. "We cannot ignore the fact that young people are recruited into smoking by colourful, eye-catching, cigarette displays. "Most adult smokers started smoking as teenagers and we need to stop this trend." Jo Butcher, of the National Children's Bureau, agreed: "It's essential that we create a culture that promotes and protects public health and tobacco legislation is a significant factor in making this happen." Jean King, of charity Cancer Research UK, said the ban would help stop children who are attracted to brightly coloured tobacco packaging from taking up smoking but further action was still needed. "Of course we want to see the pack branding taken away as well. This is not a normal consumer product, it kills people. We want to protect the next generation of children," she said. Health Secretary Andrew Lansley: "We want to arrive at a place where we no longer see smoking as a normal part of life" However, the move has upset the tobacco industry. Moves by Scotland to introduce such a ban have been delayed by legal action taken by Imperial Tobacco. Meanwhile, a spokesman for British American Tobacco said: "We do not believe that hiding products under the counter or behind curtains or screens will discourage people, including the young, from taking up smoking. "There's no sound evidence to prove display bans are justified." He added if anything it could encourage the illicit trade of tobacco products. Andrew Opie, from the British Retail Consortium, said it was wrong to believe the legislation would have a major effect on young people and it was supermarkets and other shops which were bearing the brunt of the costs needed to comply with the ban. He said the organisation had calculated that it cost more than £15m to ensure everything was sorted out before the ban came into place. He said: "Children are more likely to smoke when they're in a household where parents smoke and also they tend to get their cigarettes from either parents, or older peers, not directly from supermarkets. "It's certainly caused a lot of disruption to retailers as they didn't actually get that much notice to comply - and if you think that this is 6,000 shops in England, there are only so many shop-fitters that can do the work." The display ban was announced by the government last year as part of its tobacco control strategy. Although the legislation allowing it to happen was actually put in place by the Labour government before it lost power in 2010. A number of countries, including Canada, Ireland, Iceland and Finland, have already introduced similar bans. Prof David Hammond from the University of Waterloo in Ontario, said the ban led to a decline in smoking - especially among the young - in Canada. "The declines were greatest in the provinces where the ban had been implemented the longest. And that's consistent with the idea that when you remove something like marketing, it takes some time for the residual marketing to wear out. "We would expect to see a stronger impact among younger people as they age in the absence of that marketing," he said.</p>

Tobacco display ban 'to curb young smokers'

  A ban on tobacco displays is coming into force in England - with ministers promising it will help curb the number of young people taking u...

Read more »

Acceptance is key to transformation.

<p>We put so much energy into resisting what has happened in our lives. The more resistance, the greater the pain we experience. The more resistance, the stronger the ties are to a history that no longer serves your purpose. However, when you accept the past, you are not judging whether it is right or wrong, you are simply accepting it happened. At that moment, the tethers start to disappear and you begin to free yourself from this past pain. As the process of freeing ourselves evolves, amazingly our attitude begins to change as well and we perceive these things as not nearly as important as they once appeared. We start to see these past scenarios more as potential lessons rather than the cause of continued suffering.</p>

Acceptance is key to transformation.

We put so much energy into resisting what has happened in our lives. The more resistance, the greater the pain we experience. The more res...

Read more »

Increase Spirituality, Decrease Alcohol Use

<p> </p><p>The research team, headed by Kelly, studied 1,726 adults who were participating in a randomized, controlled trial of psychosocial treatments for alcohol use disorder. All the subjects were assessed at the start of the study and at 3, 6, 9, 12, and 15 months regarding their attendance at AA meetings, alcohol use, and spiritual/religious practices. The researchers found that attendance at AA meetings was associated with an increase in the participants’ spiritual practices. This increase was especially evident among people who measured low on spirituality at the beginning of the study. Another related finding was that AA attendance was linked to improved alcohol use, and this was partially mediated by increased spirituality. When it comes to rates of success or failure associated with AA, the “Alcoholics Anonymous Recovery Outcome Rates: Contemporary Myth and Misinterpretation” report released January 1, 2008, reported as of their 2007 Survey, 45 percent of AA members were sober more than five years, and that 33 percent could claim sobriety for more than 10 years. Keith Humphreys, a career research scientist with the Veterans Health Administration and professor of psychiatry at Stanford University, noted that “many people will be surprised that alcoholic patients with little or no interest in spirituality attended AA and seemed to change even more than did those who had a pre-existing, strong sense of spirituality.” That is, AA can work for agnostics and atheists as well as people who profess spirituality. Results of the new study on AA meetings, spirituality, and alcohol use suggest AA attendance leads to an improvement in alcohol use and that this improvement is, in part, due to an increase in spiritual practices.</p>

Increase Spirituality, Decrease Alcohol Use

  The research team, headed by Kelly, studied 1,726 adults who were participating in a randomized, controlled trial of psychosocial treatmen...

Read more »

The Priest who left his Religion in pursuit of spirituality

<p><br />The rejection of Vatican II by the Catholic Church 50 years ago did more than change the lives of millions of practicing Catholics, it also accounted for 80% of priests, who entered one seminary at the time, to leave the priesthood. In a startling and revealing memoir, one of these priests, John Shields, delves into the spiritual crisis caused by the Church at a time of promising reform and inclusion. The Priest Who Left His Religion is a stirring account of loss, and abandonment of religious faith at a time that held much promise and possibility. It's also a hopeful look at a new world-view and the dynamic shift of consciousness that a former priest undertook to find his way from religion to spirituality. Reflecting back on his time in the priesthood, John Shields sees an enormous opportunity that was lost. "At the time of the Vatican Council we were witnessing one of the greatest transformations in thinking in centuries. As Shields explains, "I saw the message of love replacing the emphasis on hell and damnation. Here was an ideal opportunity for the church to re-articulate its role in history, enter the modern world by endorsing a new interpretation of the bible and end its fixation on sin and sex." Instead, the Church, under the direction of new Pope Paul VI, rejected the 2nd Vatican Council's new theology. According to Shields, the Church reverted back to the dark ages of a catechism created by the Council of Trent in 1545. "To this day Catholics around the world have questioned the nullification of Vatican II even though the old views were not believable in the light of contemporary knowledge." Thus started Shields own journey from religion to spirituality and his quest to discover the truth through Science and Cosmic Spirituality. "Here you will find both a story of a passionate, sceptical, spiritual man, and a story of a culture in search of a new way of being." says Dr Paul Bramadat, Director University of Victoria Centre for Studies in Religion and Society. For John Shields the journey has provided not only spiritual development and a pathway towards a deeper understanding of the universe, but also a healthy curiosity for what could have been if the new theological insights had taken hold.</p>

The Priest who left his Religion in pursuit of spirituality

The rejection of Vatican II by the Catholic Church 50 years ago did more than change the lives of millions of practicing Catholics, it also ...

Read more »

something very bad will happen if the right solution isn’t found.

<p><br />Ever since my first days as a doctor, forty years ago, people have asked for answers. A medical treatment was what they wanted, but the reassurance and comfort that human contact could bring was just as valuable, perhaps even more so. Unless he’s completely burned out, a physician sees himself as a rough- and- ready savior, yanking victims out of danger into a state of safety and well- being. I’m grateful for my years seeing patients, because I learned the difference between advice and solutions. People who are in trouble are rarely helped by advice. Crises don’t wait; something very bad will happen if the right solution isn’t found. I kept the same standard in mind when writing this book. It began with people writing me with troubles on their minds. Their letters were sent from around the world— at one point I was answering questions daily or weekly from India, the United States, and many other locales, mostly through the Internet. Yet in a sense everyone was writing from the same place inside, where confusion and darkness had overwhelmed them. These people were hurt, betrayed, abused, misunderstood, ill, worried, anxious, and at times desperate. Sadly, that is the human condition, almost permanently for some people, but these feelings are always possible for people who are happy and contented— for the moment. Read more Morning Joe book excerpts I wanted to give answers that were lasting enough so that when “for the moment” changes, when crisis descends and a challenge must be faced, solid solutions were at hand. I call them spiritual solutions, but the term doesn’t mean religious solutions, prayer, or surrender to God. Instead I envision a secular spirituality. This is the only way modern people will ever reconnect with their souls, or, to remove all religious overtones, their “true selves.” What has a crisis done to you personally? What ever the situation, you drew back, contracted inside, and felt the grip of anxiety. This state of contracted awareness is the enemy of finding a solution. Real solutions to a crisis come from expanded awareness. The inner feeling is no longer tight and fearful. Boundaries give way; fresh ideas have space to grow. If you are able to contact your true self, awareness has no boundaries. From that place, solutions emerge spontaneously, and they work. Often they work like magic, and obstacles that seemed immovable melt away. When that happens, the burden of anxiety and sorrow is lifted completely. Life was never meant to be a struggle. Life was meant to unfold from its source in pure awareness. If this book leaves only one lasting impression, that’s the one I’m hoping for. Deepak Chopra One What Is a Spiritual Solution? No one will disagree that life brings challenges, but step back for a moment and ask the deeper question, which is why. Why is life so difficult? No matter what advantages you are born with— money, intelligence, an appealing personality, a sunny outlook, or good social connections— none of these provides a magic key to an easy existence. Somehow life manages to bring difficult problems, the causes of untold suffering and struggle. How you meet your challenges makes all the difference between the promise of success and the specter of failure. Is there a reason for this, or is life simply a random series of events that keeps us off balance and barely able to cope? Spirituality begins with a decisive answer to that question. It says that life isn’t random. There is pattern and purpose inside every existence. The reason that challenges arise is simple: to make you more aware of your inner purpose. If the spiritual answer is true, there should be a spiritual solution to every problem— and there is. The answer doesn’t lie at the level of the problem, even though most people focus all their energies at that level. The spiritual solution lies beyond. When you can take your awareness outside the place where struggle is ever-present, two things happen at the same time: your awareness expands, and with that, new answers begin to appear. When awareness expands, events that seem random actually aren’t. A larger purpose is trying to unfold through you. When you become aware of that purpose— which is unique for each person— you become like an architect who has been handed the blueprint. Instead of laying bricks and fitting pipes at random, the architect can now proceed with confidence that he knows what the building should look like and how to construct it. The first step in this process is recognizing what level of awareness you are working from right now. Every time a challenge comes your way, whether it is about relationships, work, personal transitions, or a crisis that demands action, there are three levels of awareness. Become aware of them, and you will take a huge step toward finding a better answer. Level 1: Contracted Awareness This is the level of the problem, and therefore it immediately grabs your attention. Something has gone wrong. Expectations have turned sour. You face obstacles that don’t want to move. As resistance mounts, your situation still doesn’t improve. If you examine the level of the problem, the following elements are generally present: Your desires are thwarted. Something you want is meeting with opposition. You feel as if every step forward is a battle. You keep doing more of what never worked in the first place. There is an underlying anxiety and fear of failure. Your mind isn’t clear. There is confusion and inner conflict. As frustration mounts, your energy is depleted. You feel more and more exhausted. You can tell if you are stuck at the level of contracted awareness by one simple test: The more you struggle to get free of a problem, the more you are trapped in it. Level 2: Expanded Awareness This is the level where solutions begin to appear. Your vision extends beyond the conflict, giving you more clarity. For most people this level isn’t immediately available, because their first reaction to a crisis is to contract. They become defensive, wary, and fearful. But if you allow yourself to expand, you will find that the following elements enter your awareness: The need to struggle begins to diminish. You start to let go. More people connect with you. You allow them more input. You approach decisions with confidence. You meet fear realistically and it starts to lessen. With clearer vision, you no longer feel confused and conflicted. You can tell that you have reached this level of awareness when you no longer feel stuck: a process has begun. With greater expansion, unseen forces come to your aid. You move forward according to what you desire from your life. Level 3: Pure Awareness This is the level where no problems exist. Every challenge is a creative opportunity. You feel completely aligned with the forces of nature. What makes this possible is that awareness can expand without limits. Although it may seem that it takes long experience on the spiritual path to reach pure awareness, the truth is exactly the opposite. At every moment pure awareness is in contact with you, sending creative impulses. All that matters is how open you are to the answers being presented. When you are fully open, the following elements will be present: There is no struggle. Desires reach fulfillment spontaneously. The next thing you want is the best thing that could happen. You benefit yourself and your surroundings. The outer world reflects what is happening in your inner world. You feel completely safe. You are at home in the universe. You view yourself and the world with compassion and understanding. To be completely established in pure awareness is enlightenment, a state of unity with everything in existence. Ultimately, every life is moving in that direction. Without attaining the final goal, you can tell that you are in contact with pure awareness if you feel truly yourself, in a state of peace and freedom. Each of these levels brings its own kind of experience. This can be easily seen when there is a sharp contrast or a sudden change. Love at first sight takes a person without warning from contracted awareness to expanded awareness. Instead of relating in the normal social way, suddenly you see immense appeal, even perfection, in one other person. In creative work there is the “Aha!” experience. Instead of wrestling with a blocked imagination, suddenly the answer presents itself, fresh and new. No one doubts that such epiphanies exist. They can be life changing, as in the so- called peak experience, when reality is flooded with light and a revelation dawns. What people don’t see is that expanded awareness should be our normal state, not a moment of extraordinary difference. Making it normal is the whole point of the spiritual life. Listening to people tell their stories of problems, obstacles, failure, and frustration— an existence trapped in contracted awareness— one sees that reaching a new vision is critical. It is all too easy to get lost in particulars. The difficulties of facing each challenge are often overwhelming. No matter how intensely you feel your situation, which has its own unique difficulties, if you look to the right and left, you will see others who are just as caught up in their situations. Strip away the details, and what remains is a general cause of suffering: lack of awareness. By lack I’m not implying personal failure. Unless you are shown how to expand your awareness, you have no choice but to experience the state of contraction. Just as the body flinches when faced with physical pain, the mind has a reflex that makes it draw back when faced with mental pain. Here again, a moment of sudden contrast makes it easy to experience what contraction feels like. Imagine yourself in any of the following situations: You are a young mother who has taken your child to the playground. You chat for a moment with another mother, and when you turn around, you can’t see your child. At work you are sitting at your computer when someone casually mentions that there are going to be layoffs, and by the way, the boss wants to see you. You open your mailbox and find a letter from the Internal Revenue Service. While driving you approach an intersection when, out of the blue, a car behind you swerves past your car and runs a red light. You walk into a restaurant and see your spouse sitting with an attractive companion. They are leaning in toward each other, talking in low voices. It doesn’t take much imagination to feel the sudden change of awareness that these situations provoke. Panic, anxiety, anger, and apprehension flood your mind; these are the result of brain changes as the lower brain takes precedent over the higher brain, triggering the release of adrenaline as part of an array of physical responses known as the stress response. Any feeling is both mental and physical. The brain gives a precise representation of what the mind is experiencing, drawing on infinite combinations of electrochemical signals coursing through one hundred billion neurons. A brain researcher can pinpoint with ever- increasing accuracy exactly those regions that produce such changes. What cannot be seen on an MRI is the mental event that incites all these changes, because the mind functions at the invisible level of awareness or consciousness. We can take these two terms as synonyms, but let’s explore them a little. Spirituality deals with your state of awareness. It isn’t the same as medicine or psychotherapy. Medicine deals in the physical aspect where bodily changes occur. Psychotherapy deals in a specific difficulty, such as anxiety, depression, or actual mental illness. Spirituality confronts awareness directly; it aims to produce higher consciousness. In our society this is seen as much less real than the other ways of approaching problems. In times of trouble, people cope as best as they can with a swirling confusion of fear, anger, mood swings, and everyday struggle. It doesn’t even occur to them to pair the two words spiritual and solution in the same sentence. This points to a limited vision about what spirituality really is, and what it can do. If spirituality can change your awareness, nothing is more practical. Awareness isn’t passive. It leads directly to action (or inaction). The way that you perceive a problem will inevitably blend with how you try to solve the problem. We’ve all been in groups that are asked to accomplish a task, and when the discussion begins, each participant displays aspects of their awareness. Someone seizes the floor, demanding attention. Someone else hangs back silently. Certain voices are cautious and pessimistic, while other voices are the opposite. This play and display of attitudes, emotions, role- playing, and so on comes down to awareness. Every situation lends itself to expanding your awareness. The word expand doesn’t mean that awareness blows up like a balloon. Instead, we can break down awareness into quite specific areas. When you enter a situation, you respond through the following aspects of your awareness: Perceptions Beliefs Assumptions Expectations Feelings Once you change these aspects— even a few of them— a shift in consciousness occurs. As the first step to reaching a solution, it is critical to break down any problem until you reach the aspects in your awareness that are feeding the problem. Perceptions: Every situation looks different to different people. Where I see disaster, you may see opportunity. Where you see loss, I may see the lifting of a burden. Perception isn’t fixed; it is highly personal. So the key question, when you approach the level of awareness, isn’t “How do things look?” but “How do things look to me?” Questioning your perception gives you distance from a problem, and with distance comes objectivity. But there is no such thing as total objectivity. We all see the world through tinted glasses, and if you mistake the view for reality, it’s just the tint pretending to be clear. Beliefs: Because they hide beneath the surface, beliefs seem to play a passive role. We all know people who claim to be without prejudice— racial, religious, political, or personal— who act exactly like someone riddled with prejudice. It’s easy to repress your beliefs, but it’s just as easy not to recognize them. What psychologists call core beliefs can be the hardest to spot in yourself. In an earlier age, for example, it was a core belief that men were superior to women. The topic wasn’t even raised for discussion, much less doubt. But when women demanded the vote, and this grew into a broad, vocal feminist movement, men found that their core belief was exposed. How did they react? As if they had been attacked personally, because their beliefs were their identity. “This is me” sits very close in the mind to “this is what I believe.” When you react to a challenge by taking it too personally, with defensiveness, anger, and blind stubbornness, some core belief has usually been touched. Assumptions: Because they shift according to the situation you find yourself in, assumptions are more flexible than beliefs. But they are just as unexamined. If a police cruiser signals you to pull off the road, don’t you assume that you have done something wrong and will wind up defending yourself? It is hard to be open- minded enough to allow that the police officer may offer something positive. That’s how assumptions work. They leap in to fill a gap of uncertainty. Social encounters are never empty. When you meet a friend for dinner, you bring assumptions about how the evening will go that are unlike the assumptions you bring to a blind date. As with beliefs, if you challenge a person’s assumptions, the outcome is likely to be volatile. Although our assumptions shift all the time, we usually don’t like to be told that they need to change. Expectations: What you expect from other people is linked to desire or fear. Positive expectations are ruled by desire, in that you want something and expect it to come to you. We expect to be loved and cared for by our spouses. We expect to be paid for the work we do. Negative expectations are ruled by fear, as when people anticipate worst- case scenarios. Murphy’s Law, which says that if anything can go wrong, it will, provides a good example. Because desire and fear lie close to the surface of the mind, your expectations are more active than your beliefs and assumptions. What you believe about your boss is one thing; being told that your salary has been cut is another. Depriving someone of what they expect directly challenges how they live. Feelings: As much as we try to disguise them, our feelings lie on the surface; other people see them or sense them as soon as they meet us. Therefore we spend a lot of time fighting against feelings that we don’t want to have, or against feelings we feel ashamed of and judge negatively. For many people, simply to have a feeling is undesirable. They see themselves as exposed and vulnerable. Being emotional is equated with being out of control (which itself is an undesirable feeling). Being aware that you have feelings is a step toward greater awareness, and then there’s the next step, which can be much harder, of accepting your feelings. With acceptance comes responsibility. Owning your own feelings, rather than blaming them on someone else, is the mark of a person who has moved from contracted to expanded awareness. If you are able to examine your state of awareness, these five elements will emerge. When someone is truly self- aware, you can ask them a direct question about how they feel, what their assumptions are, what they expect from you, and how their core beliefs are being affected. In response you won’t get a defensive reaction. You’ll be told the truth. Healthy as that sounds, why is it spiritual? Self- awareness isn’t the same as praying, believing in miracles, or seeking God’s favor. The vision I’ve sketched in is spiritual because of the third level of awareness, which I’ve labeled pure awareness. This is the level that religious believers know as the soul or spirit. When you base your life on the reality of the soul, you hold spiritual beliefs. When you go further and take the level of the soul to be the basis of life— the very ground of existence— then spirituality becomes an active principle. The soul is awakened. In reality the soul never sleeps, because pure awareness infuses every thought, feeling, and action. We may disguise this fact from ourselves. One symptom of contracted awareness, in fact, is a complete denial of “higher” reality. This denial is based not on willful blindness but on the absence of experience. A mind blocked by fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, or suffering of any kind isn’t able to experience expanded awareness, much less pure awareness. If the mind worked like a machine, it wouldn’t be able to recover from the state of suffering. Like gears worn down by friction, our thoughts would get worse and worse until the day arrived when suffering was completely victorious. For countless people life feels just like that. But the potential to heal is never worn away completely; change and transformation are your birthright, guaranteed not by God, faith, or salvation, but by the indestructible basis of life, which is pure awareness. To be alive is to be caught up in constant change. When we feel stuck, our cells are still processing the basic materials of life continually. Feelings of numbness and depression can make life seem to stop. So can sudden loss and failure. Yet no matter how severe the shock or how stubborn the obstacle, the ground state of existence isn’t affected, much less damaged. In the following pages you will encounter people who feel stuck, numb, frustrated, and stymied. Their stories seem to be unique, as viewed by each of them, but the way forward isn’t unique. It consists of addressing their state of awareness. What refuses to move must be shown how to move. That’s another reason why the solutions being offered are spiritual: they first involve seeing, waking up, becoming open to new perceptions. The most practical way to reach a solution is spiritually, because you can only change what you first are able to see. No enemy is more insidious than the one you are blind to. We live in a secular age, and so the view of life I’ve just outlined is far from the norm. In fact, it’s almost the opposite, because although everyone would agree that buildings must have blueprints, life doesn’t. Life is viewed as a series of unpredictable events that we struggle to control. Who will be foreclosed on or lose their job? Which house hold will be struck with accidents, addiction, divorce? There is seemingly no rationale behind these events. Stuff happens. Obstacles arise of their own accord, or simply by accident. Each of us justifies our contracted awareness by accepting such beliefs, and they run deep. Human nature, we tell ourselves, is filled with negative drives, such as selfishness, aggression, and jealousy. At best we are in partial control of these drives as they rise up inside us. We have no control at all over the negativity in others, and so each day presents us with a struggle against random chance and against people who are out to get what they want, no matter that it causes problems, or even loss, for us. As a beginning to expanded awareness, you need to challenge this worldview even if it is the social norm. Normal isn’t the same as true. The truth is that each of us is entangled in the world we call real. Mind isn’t a ghost. It is embedded in the whole situation you find yourself in. To see how that works, first abolish the separation between a thought, the brain cells the thought stimulates, the body’s reaction as it receives messages from the brain, and the activity you decide to pursue. All are part of the same continuous process. Even among geneticists, who for decades preached that genes determined almost every aspect of life, there is a new catchphrase: genes are not nouns, they are verbs. Dynamism is universal. You aren’t floating in a mindless environment, either. Your surroundings are being affected by what you say and do. The words “I love you” have an entirely different effect on others than the words “I hate you.” An entire society is galvanized by the words “the enemy is attacking.” At the most expanded level, the whole planet is influenced by the global exchange of information; you are participating in the global mind by sending an e-mail or joining a social network. What you eat on the run in a fast- food restaurant has implications for the whole biosphere, as environmentalists are at pains to show us. Spirituality has always begun with wholeness. Lost in a world of specifics, we forget that isolation is a myth. Your life at this moment is an entangled process that involves thoughts, feelings, brain chemicals, the body’s responses, information, social interactions, relationships, and the ecology. So when you speak and act, you are causing a ripple that is felt in the flow of life. Yet spirituality goes beyond describing you; it also prescribes the most beneficial way to affect the flow of life. Because pure awareness lies at the basis of everything, the most powerful way to change your life is to begin with your awareness. When your consciousness changes, your situation will change. Every situation is both visible and invisible. The visible part is what most people fight against, because it’s “out there,” accessible to the five senses. They are loath to confront the invisible aspect of their situation, because it is “in here” where unseen dangers and fears lurk. In the spiritual vision of life, “in here” and “out there” are entangled with countless threads; the fabric of existence is woven from them. Two starkly contrasting visions are competing, then, one based on materialism, randomness, and externals; the other based on consciousness, purpose, and the union of inner and outer. Before you can find a solution to the challenge that faces you today, right this minute, you must choose at a deeper level which vision of life you are following. The spiritual view leads to spiritual solutions. The nonspiritual view leads to a host of other solutions. Clearly this is a critical choice because, whether you realize it or not, your life is unfolding according to the choices you have made unconsciously, dictated by your level of awareness. This sketch of what a spiritual solution can achieve will sound very foreign to many people, however. Most of us avoid confronting ourselves; we are unable to define a vision. Instead, we meet life as it comes, coping as best we can, relying on mistakes from the past, advice from friends and family, and hope. We wind up giving in when we must and clutching at what we think we want. So what would it take to adopt a spiritual vision of your own life? In this book we won’t be following the path of conventional religion. Prayer and faith, while not central to the vision that needs to unfold, aren’t excluded, however. If you are religious and find comfort and help by turning to God, you are entitled to your version of a spiritual life. But here we will be consulting a much vaster tradition than any of the world’s religions, a tradition that embodies the practical wisdom of sages and seers, in both East and West, who have looked deeply at the human condition. If there is one piece of practical wisdom that the following chapters are about, it is this: Life is constantly recycling itself and evolving at the same time. This must be true of your own life, then. When you can see that all your struggles and frustrations have kept you from joining the flow of evolution, you have the best reason to stop struggling. I am inspired by a famous Indian sage who taught that life is like a river fl owing between the two banks of pain and suffering. Everything runs perfectly when we stay in the river, but we insist on grasping at pain and suffering as we pass them, as if the banks offer us safety and shelter. Life flows from within itself, and seizing on any kind of rigid or fixed position is contrary to life. The more you let go, the more your true self can express its desire to evolve. Once the process is under way, everything changes. Inner and outer worlds reflect each other without confusion or conflict. Because solutions now arise from the level of the soul, they meet no resistance. All your desires lead to the result that is best for you and your surroundings. In the end, happiness is based on reality, and nothing is more real than change and evolution. It is with the hope that everyone can find a way to leap into the river that this book was written. The Essence Every problem is open to a spiritual solution. The solution is found by expanding your awareness, moving beyond the limited vision of the problem. The process begins by recognizing what kind of awareness you are working from, because for every challenge in life there are three levels of awareness. Level 1: Contracted awareness This is the level of problems, obstacles, and struggle. Answers are limited. Fear contributes to a sense of confusion and conflict. Efforts to reach a solution meet with frustration. You keep doing more of what didn’t work in the first place. If you remain at this level, you will be frustrated and exhausted. Level 2: Expanded awareness This is the level where solutions begin to appear. There is less struggle. Obstacles are easier to overcome. Your vision extends beyond the conflict, giving you more clarity. Negative energies are confronted realistically. With greater expansion, unseen forces come to your aid. You move forward according to what you desire from your life. Level 3: Pure awareness This is the level where no problems exist. Every challenge is a creative opportunity. You feel completely aligned with the forces of nature. Inner and outer worlds reflect each other without confusion or conflict. Because solutions arise from the level of the true self, they meet no resistance. All your desires lead to the result that is best for you and your surroundings. As you move from Level 1 to Level 3, life’s challenges become what they are meant to be: a step closer to your true self.</p>

something very bad will happen if the right solution isn’t found.

Ever since my first days as a doctor, forty years ago, people have asked for answers. A medical treatment was what they wanted, but the reas...

Read more »

Study Suggests Link Between Narcissism And Facebook

<p><br />There may be a direct link between the number of friends you have on Facebook and just how much of a “socially disruptive” narcissist you are, according to a recent study published in the journal of Personality and Individual Differences. Facebook habits of 294 students between the age of 18 and 65 were studied by researchers at Western Illinois University. They also measured two of what they describe as  ”socially disruptive” elements of narcissism- grandiose exhibitionism (GE- having to be at the center of attention), and entitlement/exploitativeness (EE-  having a sense of self entitlement/deserving of respect) of the students. The study found that those who scored highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire changed their profile pictures more often, responded more aggressively to negative comment about them on their Facebook walls, tagged themselves more often, and updated their news feeds more regularly. Carol Craig, a social scientist and chief executive of the Centre for Confidence and Well-being stated: “Facebook provides a platform for people to self-promote by changing profile pictures and showing how many hundreds of friends you have. I know of some who have more than 1,000.” According to the Guardian, Christopher Carpenter, who ran the study, said: “If Facebook is to be a place where people go to repair their damaged ego and seek social support, it is vitally important to discover the potentially negative communication one might find on Facebook and the kinds of people likely to engage in them. Ideally, people will engage in pro-social Facebooking rather than anti-social me-booking.” Are we really narcissistic? Or could it simply be we are just bored? Or maybe just really friendly and outgoing, looking to meet new people? Do you think these researchers are reading just a little too much into it?</p>

Study Suggests Link Between Narcissism And Facebook

There may be a direct link between the number of friends you have on Facebook and just how much of a “socially disruptive” narcissist you ar...

Read more »

A Nation 'Addicted' To Statins...

<p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><br /></strong></span>Dear Reader,</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">In the UK alone, more than 7 million people are taking cholesterol-lowering statins. This is extremely worrying when you consider the damage these over-prescribed drugs can inflict, with side effects ranging from liver dysfunction and acute renal failure to fatigue and extreme muscle weakness (myopathy).</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">Slowly tearing us apart</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">Even more concerning are the side effects that crop up after long-term use, which are often not linked to statins. For example, one study monitored the symptoms of 40 asthma patients for a year. 20 of these patients started statins at the outset of the study, while the remaining 20 did not.</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">The results showed that those patients on statins used their rescue inhaler medications 72 per cent more often than they had at the start of the study, compared to a 9 per cent increase in those who were not taking statins. The researchers also reported that patients taking statins had to get up more frequently at night because of their asthma and also had worse symptoms during the day...</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">Worsening asthma symptoms is just the beginning. More recent research has linked statins with an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes, depression, Alzheimer's disease and dementia.</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">Still, doctors are very quick to reach for their prescription pads and push these drugs. There appears to be an unofficial (but widely practiced) 'statins for all' approach... especially if you are aged 50 and over.</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">Luckily, some mainstreamers are slowly catching on to what we've been saying for nearly a decade. In 2011, research published in the Archives of Internal Medicine drew attention to the fact that there is inadequate medical data available that proves the benefits of statins, and that many studies fail to acknowledge the most commonly reported adverse effects of statins.</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">The fact remains (and your doctor may still deny this) that in total, statins cause serious damage in about 4.4 per cent of those taking them, in comparison to the 2.7 per cent statin users benefiting from them... and it looks as if this message is finally getting through to medical authorities.</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">A case in point is simvastatin or Zocor. After being on the market for almost 3 decades and causing havoc and distress with its horrendous side effects, the American Food and Drug Administration (FDA) finally issued a warning about the use of this drug... saying that even the approved dosage can harm or even kill you!</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">Yep! Kill you!</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">All well and good</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">It's all fair and well and good that the FDA flagged this warning, but what's the point if doctors continue to prescribe these drugs left, right and centre?</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">Professor Sarah Harper, director of Oxford University's institute of population ageing, recently said that the UK's "love affair" with prescription medicine, shows how people choose to pop pills rather than follow a healthy lifestyle.</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">She cited the widespread use of statin drugs to 'help' protect against heart disease and lower cholesterol, instead of eating healthily, quitting smoking, reducing alcohol intake and taking regular exercise.</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">By all means, I applaud Prof Harper for pushing the message that living a healthy life plays a big part in preventing disease, but why blame patients for being a bunch of pill poppers when doctors hand out drugs with reckless abandon... and recommend taking preventative drugs to ever younger age groups. So in fact, the white coats should be labelled as Big Pharma's drug pushers, because they're part of the problem... especially considering that so many people put their entire trust in their doctor and would never dream of questioning their advice. Most people take what they say as gospel.</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">Then there's the media, inundating Joe Public with inflammatory headlines like: 'Statins could help fight breast cancer' or 'Statins can prevent infections like pneumonia'... Not to mention their reporting on botch studies showing the 'unintended benefits' of statins, like their potential to prevent pneumonia, combat diabetes, reduce the risk of oesophageal cancer, breast cancer and prostate cancer — all of these so-called benefits are of course not yet proven, and highly unlikely. Still, they reach the front pages!</p><p style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969);">So, yes we might have turned into a pill popping public, but it's the mainstream and the media that have created this monster all with the help and backing of the puppet master: Big Pharma. Because as you and I know all too well, it's all about the money. </p></p>

A Nation 'Addicted' To Statins...

Dear Reader, In the UK alone, more than 7 million people are taking cholesterol-lowering statins. This is extremely worrying when you consid...

Read more »

Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism

<p> </p><p>Researchers have established a direct link between the number of friends you have on Facebook and the degree to which you are a "socially disruptive" narcissist, confirming the conclusions of many social media sceptics. People who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook, tagged themselves more often and updated their newsfeeds more regularly. The research comes amid increasing evidence that young people are becoming increasingly narcissistic, and obsessed with self-image and shallow friendships. The latest study, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, also found that narcissists responded more aggressively to derogatory comments made about them on the social networking site's public walls and changed their profile pictures more often. A number of previous studies have linked narcissism with Facebook use, but this is some of the first evidence of a direct relationship between Facebook friends and the most "toxic" elements of narcissistic personality disorder. Researchers at Western Illinois University studied the Facebook habits of 294 students, aged between 18 and 65, and measured two "socially disruptive" elements of narcissism – grandiose exhibitionism (GE) and entitlement/exploitativeness (EE). GE includes ''self-absorption, vanity, superiority, and exhibitionistic tendencies" and people who score high on this aspect of narcissism need to be constantly at the centre of attention. They often say shocking things and inappropriately self-disclose because they cannot stand to be ignored or waste a chance of self-promotion. The EE aspect includes "a sense of deserving respect and a willingness to manipulate and take advantage of others". The research revealed that the higher someone scored on aspects of GE, the greater the number of friends they had on Facebook, with some amassing more than 800. Those scoring highly on EE and GG were also more likely to accept friend requests from strangers and seek social support, but less likely to provide it, according to the research. Carol Craig, a social scientist and chief executive of the Centre for Confidence and Well-being, said young people in Britain were becoming increasingly narcissistic and Facebook provided a platform for the disorder. "The way that children are being educated is focussing more and more on the importance of self esteem – on how you are seen in the eyes of others. This method of teaching has been imported from the US and is 'all about me'. "Facebook provides a platform for people to self-promote by changing profile pictures and showing how many hundreds of friends you have. I know of some who have more than 1,000." Dr Viv Vignoles, senior lecturer in social psychology at Sussex University, said there was "clear evidence" from studies in America that college students were becoming increasingly narcissistic. But he added: "Whether the same is true of non-college students or of young people in other countries, such as the UK, remains an open question, as far as I know. "Without understanding the causes underlying the historical change in US college students, we do not know whether these causes are factors that are relatively specific to American culture, such as the political focus on increasing self-esteem in the late 80s and early 90s or whether they are factors that are more general, for example new technologies such as mobile phones and Facebook." Vignoles said the correlational nature of the latest study meant it was difficult to be certain whether individual differences in narcissism led to certain patterns of Facebook behaviour, whether patterns of Facebook behaviour led to individual differences in narcissism, or a bit of both. Christopher Carpenter, who ran the study, said: "In general, the 'dark side' of Facebook requires more research in order to better understand Facebook's socially beneficial and harmful aspects in order to enhance the former and curtail the latter. "If Facebook is to be a place where people go to repair their damaged ego and seek social support, it is vitally important to discover the potentially negative communication one might find on Facebook and the kinds of people likely to engage in them. Ideally, people will engage in pro-social Facebooking rather than anti-social me-booking."</p>

Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism

  Researchers have established a direct link between the number of friends you have on Facebook and the degree to which you are a "soci...

Read more »

It's Not Dementia, It's Your Heart Medication: Cholesterol Drugs and Memory

<p> </p><p>One day in 1999 Duane Graveline, then a 68-year-old former NASA astronaut, returned home from his morning walk in Merritt Island, Fla., and could not remember where he was. His wife stepped outside, and he greeted her as a stranger. When Graveline’s memory returned some six hours later in the hospital, he racked his brain to figure out what might have caused this terrifying bout of amnesia. Only one thing came to mind: he had recently started taking the statin drug Lipitor. Cholesterol-lowering statins such as Lipitor, Crestor and Zocor are the most widely prescribed medications in the world, and they are credited with saving the lives of many heart disease patients. But recently a small number of users have voiced concerns that the drugs elicit unexpected cognitive side effects, such as memory loss, fuzzy thinking and learning difficulties. Hundreds of people have registered complaints with MedWatch, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s adverse drug reaction database, but few studies have been done and the results are inconclusive. Nevertheless, many experts are starting to believe that a small percentage of the population is at risk, and they are calling for increased public awareness of the possible cognitive side effects of statins—symptoms that may be misdiagnosed as dementia in the aging patients who take them. Fat and the Brain It is not crazy to connect cholesterol-modifying drugs with cognition; after all, one quarter of the body’s cholesterol is found in the brain. Cholesterol is a waxy substance that, among other things, provides structure to the body’s cell membranes. High levels of cholesterol in the blood create a risk for heart disease, because the molecules that transport cholesterol can damage arteries and cause blockages. In the brain, however, cholesterol plays a crucial role in the formation of neuronal connections—the vital links that underlie memory and learning. Quick thinking and rapid reaction times depend on cholesterol, too, because the waxy molecules are the building blocks of the sheaths that insulate neurons and speed up electrical transmissions. “We can’t understand how a drug that affects such an important pathway would not have adverse reactions,” says Ralph Edwards, former director of the World Health Organization’s drug-monitoring center in Uppsala, Sweden. Two small trials published in 2000 and 2004 by Matthew Muldoon, a clinical pharmacologist at the University of Pittsburgh, seem to suggest a link between statins and cognitive problems. The first, which enrolled 209 high-cholesterol subjects, reported that participants taking placebo pills improved more on repeated tests of attention and reaction time taken over the course of six months—presumably getting better because of practice, as people typically do. Subjects who were on statins, however, did not show the normal improvement—suggesting their learning was impaired. The second trial reported similar findings. And a study published in 2003 in Reviews of Therapeutics noted that among 60 statin users who had reported memory problems to MedWatch, more than half said their symptoms improved when they stopped taking the drugs. But other studies have found no significant link between statins and memory problems. Larry Sparks, director of the Laboratory for Neurodegenerative Research at the Sun Health Research Institute in Sun City, Ariz., goes so far as to say that “you’ve got a better chance of buying a winning lottery ticket, walking outside and getting hit by lightning and dying” than you do of suffering a cognitive side effect from statins. Vulnerable Genes? Many experts agree that for most people the risk is quite low, but they are beginning to believe the effects are real. “A subset of the population is vulnerable,” argues Joe Graedon, co-founder of the consumer advocacy Web site the People’s Pharmacy, which has collected hundreds of reports of cognitive-related statin side effects in the past decade. Some researchers believe these people have a genetic profile that puts them at risk.</p>

It's Not Dementia, It's Your Heart Medication: Cholesterol Drugs and Memory

  One day in 1999 Duane Graveline, then a 68-year-old former NASA astronaut, returned home from his morning walk in Merritt Island, Fla., an...

Read more »

Statin side effects: How common are memory loss, diabetes, and muscle aches?

<p> </p><p>When the US Food and Drug Administration told the makers of cholesterol-lowering statins to add new side effect warnings to their labels last week, many of the 40 million statin users may have been unaware of the extent of the risks associated with these drugs that have been touted by some cardiologists to be safer than aspirin. No question, statins -- which include Lipitor (atorvastatin), Zocor (simvastatin), and Crestor (rosuvastatin) -- are relatively safe drugs, and they’ve saved thousands of lives over the past 20 years, particularly in men with established heart disease. But like any drug they can cause problems in some, including muscle aches, an increased risk of diabetes, and, gaining recent attention, memory loss. University of California-San Diego researcher Beatrice Golomb published a paper two years ago describing 171 statin users who reported that they had developed memory problems and dementia-like symptoms that the statin users attributed to their use of the medications. The vast majority experienced an improvement in their symptoms after stopping the drugs and many saw their symptoms return after going back on statins. Robert Grindell, a state employee from Makinen, Minn., told me his short-term memory began to deteriorate after he started taking Zocor in his early 50s. (He contacted Golomb after hearing about her research.) “My co-workers told me I was coming in to ask them the same question three times in one day,” he said. “I had a CT scan to determine if I had a stroke, but it came back fine; the next day, I couldn’t even remember where I had the test performed.” After learning that Zocor caused memory problems, Grindell decided to go off it and said within a few days he noticed an improvement in his memory, not having to glance down several times at a printed phone number as he dialed it to remember the digits. Unfortunately, the exact incidence of these memory problems isn’t known. Manufacturer-sponsored clinical trials show that they occur in fewer than 1 percent of users, but statin researcher Dr. Paul Thompson, chief of cardiololgy at Hartford Hospital, said the real incidence is probably much higher. He has a study expected to be published sometime this year that measured cognitive effects in statin users compared with those on placebos that he said will provide a better estimate; the findings can’t be disclosed until the study is published. The diabetes risks of statins are more well-established. One review study published last year calculated an extra two cases of type 2 diabetes in every 1,000 patients who took a high-dose statin (80 milligrams per day) compared with those who took a lower dose (20 to 40 milligrams). And one clinical trial found that statin users had about a 25 percent increased risk of developing diabetes over a two-year period compared with those who took placebos. Experts, though, agree that in people at high risk for heart disease, the increased diabetes risk is outweighed by the statin’s protection against heart attacks and deaths from any cause. The danger of muscle destruction from statins -- which can damage the liver and kidneys -- is also clear but slight. According to Thompson, about 1 in every 1,000 statin users will develop severely elevated levels of the enzyme creatine kinase, which indicates muscle death, and only 1 in 10 million die from developing an extremely severe case of the condition called rhabdomyolysis. Muscle aches are far more common: occuring in about 1 in 10 users, according to Thompson. “It seems to be more common in people who do a lot of exercise.” In fact, a study he conducted found that marathon runners taking statins developed a greater increase in creatine kinase right after their race compared with runners who weren’t on statins. “We also see more muscle aches in older people and women since they have less muscle mass,” he said. Lowering the statin dose or switching to a different statin doesn’t always help, Thompson said. “In our studies, those who develop statin myalgia tend to get it again and again; they’re body may get sensitized to statins.” There may also be a genetic component, with statin muscle aches occuring more often in those whose parents also had them. And there may be a link between memory loss and muscle aches. “In our database, the majority of patients who had cognitive problems also had muscle problems,” Golomb said. She recommends that those who are having memory loss or muscle aches speak to their doctor about going off statins -- especially if they’re not in a high-risk group for heart attacks. Those who get the most benefits are men under 65 who’ve already had a heart attack, she said. Women, elderly people, and those without heart disease get much smaller benefits from statins, and it’s unclear whether the drugs extend their lives. “Many patients have told me that their doctor said going off statins would kill them,” Golomb said, “but that’s not an accurate representation of the evidence.”</p>

Statin side effects: How common are memory loss, diabetes, and muscle aches?

  When the US Food and Drug Administration told the makers of cholesterol-lowering statins to add new side effect warnings to their labels l...

Read more »

Evidence builds that meditation strengthens the brain

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="zemanta-img" style="text-align: left;"> <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Visible_Human_head_slice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="English: A horizontal slice of the head of an ..." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted zemanta-img-configured" height="441" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/de/Visible_Human_head_slice.jpg/350px-Visible_Human_head_slice.jpg" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="350" /></a></div> <br />Earlier evidence out of UCLA suggested that meditating for years thickens the brain (in a good way) and strengthens the connections between brain cells. Now a further report by UCLA researchers suggests yet another benefit. See Also: Health & Medicine Nervous System Psychology Research Brain Tumor Mind & Brain Neuroscience Intelligence Brain Injury Living Well Reference Thalamus Alpha wave Cerebral contusion Functional neuroimaging Eileen Luders, an assistant professor at the UCLA Laboratory of Neuro Imaging, and colleagues, have found that long-term meditators have larger amounts of gyrification ("folding" of the cortex, which may allow the brain to process information faster) than people who do not meditate. Further, a direct correlation was found between the amount of gyrification and the number of meditation years, possibly providing further proof of the brain's neuroplasticity, or ability to adapt to environmental changes. The article appears in the online edition of the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience. The cerebral cortex is the outermost layer of neural tissue. Among other functions, it plays a key role in memory, attention, thought and consciousness. Gyrification or cortical folding is the process by which the surface of the brain undergoes changes to create narrow furrows and folds called sulci and gyri. Their formation may promote and enhance neural processing. Presumably then, the more folding that occurs, the better the brain is at processing information, making decisions, forming memories and so forth. "Rather than just comparing meditators and non-meditators, we wanted to see if there is a link between the amount of meditation practice and the extent of brain alteration," said Luders. "That is, correlating the number of years of meditation with the degree of folding." Of the 49 recruited subjects, the researchers took MRI scans of 23 meditators and compared them to 16 control subjects matched for age, handedness and sex. (Ten participants dropped out.) The scans for the controls were obtained from an existing MRI database, while the meditators were recruited from various meditation venues. The meditators had practiced their craft on average for 20 years using a variety of meditation types -- Samatha, Vipassana, Zen and more. The researchers applied a well-established and automated whole-brain approach to measure cortical gyrification at thousands of points across the surface of the brain. They found pronounced group differences (heightened levels of gyrification in active meditation practitioners) across a wide swatch of the cortex, including the left precentral gyrus, the left and right anterior dorsal insula, the right fusiform gyrus and the right cuneus. Perhaps most interesting, though, was the positive correlation between the number of meditation years and the amount of insular gyrification. "The insula has been suggested to function as a hub for autonomic, affective and cognitive integration," said Luders. "Meditators are known to be masters in introspection and awareness as well as emotional control and self-regulation, so the findings make sense that the longer someone has meditated, the higher the degree of folding in the insula." While Luders cautions that genetic and other environmental factors could have contributed to the effects the researchers observed, still, "The positive correlation between gyrification and the number of practice years supports the idea that meditation enhances regional gyrification."<br /> <div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"> <a class="zemanta-pixie-a" href="http://www.zemanta.com/?px" title="Enhanced by Zemanta"><img alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_h.png?x-id=b4d431ba-fbc1-4754-b3a7-f50f121d019a" style="border: none; float: right;" /></a></div> </div>

Evidence builds that meditation strengthens the brain

Earlier evidence out of UCLA suggested that meditating for years thickens the brain (in a good way) and strengthens the connections betwe...

Read more »

These wild and woolly early AAs

<p><span style="color: #000000;">These wild and woolly early AAs, these psychologically illiterate, off scouring and rubbish of the world, these newly sobered up drunks set out to become totally committed men and women of God. The authors of the Big Book knew that their God centered, psychologically heretical, radical recovery plan was liable to jar many of the newcomers they were trying to reach with their message. Therefore, they made two moves to sugarcoat the pill.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000;">First, they put the following disclaimer immediately after listing the Twelve Steps in chapter five”</span><br /><span style="color: #000000;">Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection</span><br /><span style="color: #000000;">That short paragraph was a stroke of inspiration, especially the phrase, “we are not saints.” It has eased thousands of new, half-convinced AA members (myself included) past the fact that we were headed, under the guidance of the Steps, in the completely unfamiliar direction of spiritual perfection.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000;">The second sugarcoated pill gave us the freedom to take the Steps at our own pace and in our own way. This freedom quickly grew to be deeply cherished among AA members. Bill and Dr. Bob did one thing more to keep the spiritual rigor and power of the Twelve Steps from frightening new prospects (sugarcoated pill number two). They put the Steps forth as suggestions rather than as directives. The sentence which introduces the Steps in chapter five of the Big Book says: “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested [our italics] as a program of recovery.” This idea was greatly appreciated throughout the AA Movement from the time the Big Book was first published. We drunks hate to be told to do anything.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000;">By 1941 (which was the year my father, Tom P., Sr., came into the Fellowship) it was possible to distinguish three variant practices of the AA Program, which we have labeled the strong-cup-of-tea, medium-cup-of-tea, and weak-cup-of-tea approaches. Strong AA was the original, undiluted dosage of the spiritual principles. Strong AAs took all twelve of the Steps – and kept on taking them. They did not stop with the admission of powerlessness over alcohol, but went on right away to turn their wills and lives over to God’s care. They began to practice rigorous honesty in all their affairs. In short order they proceeded to take a moral inventory; admit all their wrongs to at least one other person; take positive and forceful action in making such restitution as was possible for those wrongs; continue taking inventory, admitting their faults, and making restitution on a regular basis; pray and meditate every day; go to two or more AA meetings weekly; and actively work the Twelfth Step, carrying the AA message to others in trouble.</span></p><hr size="2" /><p><span style="color: #000000;">What we need to do is clear enough.</span><br /><span style="color: #000000;">What we need to do is spelled out in the first seven chapters of the Big Book. What it all boils down to — especially for us old-timers — is a willingness to continue practicing all the principles in all our affairs today, rather than resting on our laurels, taking our stand on what we did way back when, in our first weeks and months of sobriety.</span></p>

These wild and woolly early AAs

These wild and woolly early AAs, these psychologically illiterate, off scouring and rubbish of the world, these newly sobered up drunks set ...

Read more »

The A.A. Basic Text:

<div><p>The A.A. Basic Text:<br /><a href="http://dailyreprievecenter.com/ETC_blog/archives/789/bigbookcover2nded" rel="attachment wp-att-816"><img alt="Big Book cover" height="60" src="http://dailyreprievecenter.com/ETC_blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/BigBookCover2ndEd.gif" title="BigBookCover2ndEd" width="46" /></a>p. xxvii, The Doctor’s Opinion   <br />The cases we have followed through have been most interesting; in fact, many of them are amazing.<br />p. xxix, The Doctor’s Opinion:<br />On the other hand—and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand — once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.<br />p. xxiii, Foreword to Fourth Edition<br />Like so much of A.A.’s basic text, those words have proved to be far more visionary than the founding members could ever have imagined. <br />p. xxii, Foreword to Third Edition<br />The basic principles of the A.A. program, it appears, hold good for individuals with many different lifestyles, just as the program has brought recovery to those of many different nationalities.<br />p. xxix, The Doctor’s Opinion  <br />One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change.<br />p. xxix, The Doctor’s Opinion<br />This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.<br />p. 8, Bill’s Story<br />I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.<br />p.12, Bill’s Story<br />Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend.<br />p. 13, Bill’s Story<br />Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements.<br />p. 14, Bill’s Story<br />God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound. …<br />Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements.   …<br />These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric.<br />p. 27, There Is A Solution<br />He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.<br />p.42, More About Alcoholism<br />But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic.<br />p.52, We Agnostics<br />But in most fields our generation has witnessed complete liberation of our thinking.<br />p. 55, We Agnostics:<br />Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God.<br />p. 59, How It Works<br />We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.<br />p. 63, How It Works<br />This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.<br />p. 65, How It Works<br />Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty.<br />p.68, How It Works<br />Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.<br />p. 77, Into Action<br />Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.<br />p. 83, Into Action<br />If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.<br />p. 84, Into Action<br />Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.<br />p. 90, Working With Others<br />Then let his family or a friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so.<br />p. 98, Working With Others<br />Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job—wife or no wife—we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.<br />p.142, To Employers<br />After satisfying yourself that your man wants to recover and that he will go to any extreme to do so, you may suggest a definite course of action.<br />p. 143, To Employers<br />Though you are providing him with the best possible medical attention, he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart.  …<br />To get over drinking will require a transformation of thought and attitude.<br />p. 145, To Employers<br />In fact, he may say almost anything if he has accepted our solution which, as you know, demands rigorous honesty.<br />p.153, A Vision For You<br />It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. <br />p. 568, Appendix II, Spiritual Experience<br />Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery.<br />p. 567, Appendix II, Spiritual Experience<br />The terms “spiritual experience“ and “spiritual awakening“ are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms.<br />p. 567, Appendix II, Spiritual Experience<br />He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone.<br />p. 570, Appendix III The Medical View on A.A.:<br />Even among those who occasionally land back in here again, we observe a profound change in personality.  </p></div><p>12&12 p.92: <br /><a href="http://dailyreprievecenter.com/ETC_blog/archives/54/1212cover" rel="attachment wp-att-832"><img alt="" height="72" src="http://dailyreprievecenter.com/ETC_blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/1212cover.gif" title="1212cover" width="48" /></a>Such a radical change in our outlook will take time, maybe a lot of time.<br />12&12 p.21, Step One<br />We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength.<br />12&12 p.22, Step One<br />When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted. …<br />The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered.<br />12&12 p.36, Step Three<br />Therefore dependence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit.<br />12&12 p.50, Step Four<br />By now the newcomer has probably arrived at the following conclusions: that his character defects, representing instincts gone astray, have been the primary cause of his drinking and his failure at life; that unless he is now willing to work hard at the elimination of the worst of these defects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude him; that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be torn out and built anew on bedrock.<br />12&12 p.59, Step Five<br />Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility.<br />12&12 p.64, Step Six<br />So in a very complete and literal way, all A.A.‘s have “become entirely ready“ to have God remove the mania for alcohol from their lives.<br />12&12 p.70, Step Seven Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.‘s Twelve Steps.<br />12&12 p.72, Step Seven<br />We never thought of making honesty, tolerance, and true love of man and God the daily basis of living.<br />12&12 p.75, Step Seven<br />During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God.<br />12&12 p.87, Step Nine<br />For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.<br />12&12 p.98, Step Eleven<br />But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. <br />12&12 p.107, Step Twelve<br />He finds himself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, unselfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he had thought himself quite incapable.  …<br />When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone.<br />12&12 p.114, Step Twelve<br />And as we grow spiritually, we find that our old attitudes toward our instincts need to undergo drastic revisions.<br />12&12 p.115, Step Twelve<br />After we come into A.A., if we go on growing, our attitudes and actions toward security — emotional security and financial security—commence to change profoundly.<br />12&12 p.131, Tradition One<br />By faith and by works we have been able to build upon the lessons of an incredible experience.<br />12&12 p.160, Tradition Seven<br />This principle is telling evidence of the profound change that A.A. has wrought in all of us.</p>

The A.A. Basic Text:

The A.A. Basic Text: p. xxvii, The Doctor’s Opinion    The cases we have followed through have been most interesting; in fact, many of them ...

Read more »

The founders and pioneers made a fundamental difference in the outlook for chronic alcoholics.

<blockquote> They provided a way out for them by following a ‘few simple rules’ in the plan they outlined in their textbook.  A radical change would result by taking the same “clear-cut directions” that showed how they RECOVERED.  This is the original, strong method.</blockquote>

The founders and pioneers made a fundamental difference in the outlook for chronic alcoholics.

 They provided a way out for them by following a ‘few simple rules’ in the plan they outlined in their textbook.  A radical change would res...

Read more »

There is no such thing as “AA-Approved” Literature

<p>There is no such thing as “AA-Approved” Literature and A.A. has no index of forbidden books, and never will have. Many good pamphlets and books from early Alcoholics Anonymous are available for us to use for our ‘new way of living.’</p>

There is no such thing as “AA-Approved” Literature

There is no such thing as “AA-Approved” Literature and A.A. has no index of forbidden books, and never will have. Many good pamphlets and bo...

Read more »

The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety

<p> </p><p>"The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety" by Bill W I think that many oldsters who have put our AA "booze cure" to severe but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. Perhaps they will be the spearhead for the next major development in AA -- the development of much more real maturity and balance (which is to say, humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God. Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance -- urges quite appropriate to age seventeen -- prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty-seven or fifty-seven. Since AA began, I've taken immense wallops in all these areas because of my failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually. My God, how painful it is to keep demanding the impossible, and how very painful to discover finally, that all along we have had the cart before the horse! Then comes the final agony of seeing how awfully wrong we have been, but still finding ourselves unable to get off the emotional merry-go-round. How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result, and so into easy, happy, and good living -- well, that's not only the neurotic's problem, it's the problem of life itself for all of us who have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in all our affairs. Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That's the place so many of us AA oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconscious -- from which so many of our fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream -- be brought into line with what we actually believe, know and want! How to convince our dumb, raging and hidden "Mr. Hyde" becomes our main task. I've recently come to believe that this can be achieved. I believe so because I begin to see many benighted ones -- folks like you and me -- commencing to get results. Last autumn [several years back -- ed.] depression, having no really rational cause at all, almost took me to the cleaners. I began to be scared that I was in for another long chronic spell. Considering the grief I've had with depressions, it wasn't a bright prospect. I kept asking myself, "Why can't the Twelve Steps work to release depression?" By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer..."It's better to comfort than to be the comforted." Here was the formula, all right. But why didn't it work? Suddenly I realized what the matter was. My basic flaw had always been dependence -- almost absolute dependence - on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression. There wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute dependencies were cut away. Because I had over the years undergone a little spiritual development, the absolute quality of these frightful dependencies had never before been so starkly revealed. Reinforced by what Grace I could secure in prayer, I found I had to exert every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed, upon any set of circumstances whatsoever. Then only could I be free to love as Francis had. Emotional and instinctual satisfactions, I saw, were really the extra dividends of having love, offering love, and expressing a love appropriate to each relation of life. Plainly, I could not avail myself of God's love until I was able to offer it back to Him by loving others as He would have me. And I couldn't possibly do that so long as I was victimized by false dependencies. For my dependency meant demand -- a demand for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me. While those words "absolute demand" may look like a gimmick, they were the ones that helped to trigger my release into my present degree of stability and quietness of mind, qualities which I am now trying to consolidate by offering love to others regardless of the return to me. This seems to be the primary healing circuit: an outgoing love of God's creation and His people, by means of which we avail ourselves of His love for us. It is most clear that the current can't flow until our paralyzing dependencies are broken, and broken at depth. Only then can we possibly have a glimmer of what adult love really is. Spiritual calculus, you say? Not a bit of it. Watch any AA of six months working with a new Twelfth Step case. If the case says "To the devil with you," the Twelfth Stepper only smiles and turns to another case. He doesn't feel frustrated or rejected. If his next case responds, and in turn starts to give love and attention to other alcoholics, yet gives none back to him, the sponsor is happy about it anyway. He still doesn't feel rejected; instead he rejoices that his one-time prospect is sober and happy. And if his next following case turns out in later time to be his best friend (or romance) then the sponsor is most joyful. But he well knows that his happiness is a by-product -- the extra dividend of giving without any demand for a return. The really stabilizing thing for him was having and offering love to that strange drunk on his doorstep. That was Francis at work, powerful and practical, minus dependency and minus demand. In the first six months of my own sobriety, I worked hard with many alcoholics. Not a one responded. Yet this work kept me sober. It wasn't a question of those alcoholics giving me anything. My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive. Thus I think it can work out with emotional sobriety. If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others into emotional sobriety. Of course I haven't offered you a really new idea -- only a gimmick that has started to unhook several of my own "hexes" at depth. Nowadays my brain no longer races compulsively in either elation, grandiosity or depression. I have been given a quiet place in bright sunshine.</p>

The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety

  "The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety" by Bill W I think that many oldsters who have put our AA "booze cure" to sever...

Read more »

There is something beautiful about the essence of Step 12 in recovery

<p style="margin-top: 0px; font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;"> There is something beautiful about the essence of Step 12 in recovery. It is about the "joy of living" and talks about how working the previous 11 steps now gives the person in recovery a new compass in which to live by: their <a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/spirituality" style="color: #333333; text-decoration: none; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-color: #999999;" title="Psychology Today looks at Spirituality">spiritual</a> beliefs and principles. One moves from the experience of being driven, to more consciousness about who they are, what they are doing, and why they are doing it. If taken directly from the program, the spiritual principles that correspond to each step, and that serve as a guide are as follows:</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">1. Honesty</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">2. Hope</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">3. Faith</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">4. Courage</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">5. Integrity</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">6. Willingness</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">7. Humility</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">8. Brotherly Love</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">9. Justice</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">10. Perseverance</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">11. Unity and Spirituality</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">12. Service and <a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/gratitude" style="color: #333333; text-decoration: none; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-color: #999999;" title="Psychology Today looks at Gratitude">Gratitude</a></p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">One of the gifts of living according to principles is that they can support us no matter what our history, our patterning, or our circumstances. They can orient us when objective realities have lost their command. Spiritual principles become the ultimate navigation system. You may have lost a job or a promotion, you might be in an argument with a friend or partner, but you can always turn to the principles for a soft place to land, to serve as a guide, and to put your current position in context.</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">Step 1 for example, "Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable," starts with the poignant word, "admit." I've always appreciated the double meaning—it implies that we have to be honest but it additionally signals admittance, as in "admit one." So, right off the bat, the navigation system orients the person in recovery over a threshold that had been previously impassable. Denial begins to be shed and honesty becomes something to strive for.</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">Each of the principles are not only guides, but anchors, allowing for an experience of grounding in what can often be a challenging and chaotic ride. The spiritual path becomes the perfect container for the ups and downs we all experience. This means that sometimes, the direction we are given is to stay put. In times of loss, doubt, and uncertainty—courage allows us to lean in to such experiences, to face our fears and our demons when all we want to do is flee. Hope and faith provide additional support by reminding us that the dark places aren't static states and that we will survive the ride.</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">Integrity is something I talk about a great deal in <em>Recovering Spirituality</em>. To me, it is about embracing the fullness of the human condition, being intimately and integrally connected to the whole. It allows for greater compassion for ourselves and others because we understand that we will never overcome our humanness, which means that we are all perfectly flawed.</p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">So, when life steers you in a direction that you never imagined going, or when you feel like you can't find the purpose or meaning in your life, see if you can find some grounding and direction in the principles. They are perfect when our lives are not—the ideal GPS (Global Positioning System). Maybe the task at hand is to orient yourself towards service to others, or perhaps the unity of the fellowship can provide some <a class="pt-basics-link" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/laughter" style="color: #333333; text-decoration: none; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-color: #999999;" title="Psychology Today looks at Laughter">laughter</a>right when you thought it was impossible to smile. No matter the challenge, there is a guiding principle that can shine some light on the darkened path. </p><p style="font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; background-color: #ffffff;">And if all is going well, don't let this discourage you from leaning in even further to the principle driven life. Pain may be the touchstone to spiritual growth, but the path is always available to us.</p>

There is something beautiful about the essence of Step 12 in recovery

 There is something beautiful about the essence of Step 12 in recovery. It is about the "joy of living" and talks about how workin...

Read more »