The Drunkard Disciple

A Zen master had hundreds of disciples. They all prayed at the right time, except one, who was always drunk. <br /><br />The master was growing old. Some of the more virtuous pupils began to wonder who would be the new leader of the group, the one who would receive the important secrets of the Tradition.<br /><br />On the eve of his death, however, the master called the drunkard disciple and revealed the hidden secrets to him. <br /><br />A veritable revolt broke out among the others. <br /><br />“How shameful!” they cried in the streets, “We have sacrificed ourselves for the wrong master, one who can’t see our qualities.”<br /><br />Hearing the commotion outside, the dying master remarked, “I had to pass on these secrets to a man that I knew well. All my pupils are very virtuous, and showed only their qualities. That is dangerous, for virtue often serves to hide vanity, pride and intolerance. That is why I chose the only disciple whom I know really well, since I can see his defect: drunkenness.”

The Drunkard Disciple

A Zen master had hundreds of disciples. They all prayed at the right time, except one, who was always drunk. The master was growing old. Som...

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“Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion”

“Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion”<br /><br />by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. <br /><br /><br /><br />Chapter One: Giving from the Heart, the Heart of Nonviolent Communication<br /><br />“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.”<br /><br />—Marshall B. Rosenberg <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br /><br />Introduction<br /><br />Believing that it is our nature to enjoy giving and receiving in a compassionate manner, I have been preoccupied most of my life with two questions. What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively? And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances? <br /><br /><br /><br />My preoccupation with these questions began in childhood, around the summer of 1943, when our family moved to Detroit, Michigan. The second week after we arrived, a race war erupted over an incident at a public park. More than forty people were killed in the next few days. Our neighborhood was situated in the center of the violence, and we spent three days locked in the house. <br /><br /><br /><br />When the race riot ended and school began, I discovered that a name could be as dangerous as any skin color. When the teacher called my name during attendance, two boys glared at me and hissed, “Are you a kike?” I had never heard the word before and didn’t know it was used by some people in a derogatory way to refer to Jews. After school, the two were waiting for me: they threw me to the ground, kicked and beat me. <br /><br /><br /><br />Since that summer in 1943, I have been examining the two questions I mentioned. What empowers us, for example, to stay connected to our compassionate nature even under the worst circumstances? I am thinking of people like Etty Hillesum, who remained compassionate even while subjected to the grotesque conditions of a German concentration camp. As she wrote in her journal at the time, <br /><br /><br /><br />“I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does. And that was the real import of this morning: not that a disgruntled young Gestapo officer yelled at me, but that I felt no indignation, rather a real compassion, and would have liked to ask, ‘Did you have a very unhappy childhood, has your girlfriend let you down?’ Yes, he looked harassed and driven, sullen and weak. I should have liked to start treating him there and then, for I know that pitiful young men like that are dangerous as soon as they are let loose on mankind.”<br /><br />—Etty Hillesum: A Memoir <br /><br />to top of page <br /><br /><br /><br />While studying the factors that affect our ability to stay compassionate, I was struck by the crucial role of language and our use of words. I have since identified a specific approach to communicating—speaking and listening—that leads us to give from the heart, connecting us with ourselves and with each other in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish. I call this approach Nonviolent Communication, using the term “nonviolence” as Gandhi used it—to refer to our natural state of compassion when violence has subsided from the heart. While we may not consider the way we talk to be “violent,” our words often lead to hurt and <br /><br />NVC: a way of commu- nicating that leads us to give from the heart. <br /><br /><br /><br />pain, whether for ourselves or others. In some communities, the process I am describing is known as Compassionate Communication; the abbreviation “NVC” is used throughout this book to refer to Nonviolent or Compassionate Communication. <br /><br /><br /><br />a way to focus attention<br /><br />NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions. It contains nothing new; all that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries. The intent is to remind us about what we already know—about how we humans were meant to relate to one another—and to assist us in living in a way that concretely manifests this knowledge. <br /><br /><br /><br />NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. We are led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity, while simultaneously paying others a respectful and empathic attention. In any exchange, we come to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. NVC trains us to observe carefully, and to be able to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us. We learn to identify and clearly articulate what we are concretely wanting in a given situation. The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />We perceive relationships in a new light when we use NVC to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. <br /><br /><br /><br />As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing, or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism, we come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized. When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion. Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart. <br /><br /><br /><br />Although I refer to it as “a process of communication” or a “language of compassion,” NVC is more than a process or a language. On a deeper level, it is an ongoing reminder to keep our attention focused on a place where we are more likely to get what we are seeking. <br /><br /><br /><br />to top of page <br /><br /><br /><br />There is a story of a man under a street lamp searching for something on all fours. A policeman passing by asked what he was doing. “Looking for my car keys,” replied the man, who appeared slightly drunk. “Did you drop them here?” inquired the officer. “No,” answered the man, “I dropped them in the alley.” Seeing the policeman’s baffled expression, the man hastened to explain, “But the light is much better here.” <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Let's shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking. <br /><br /><br /><br />I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention—to shine the light of consciousness—on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking. What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart. <br /><br /><br /><br />This quality of compassion, which I refer to as “giving from the heart,” is expressed in the following lyrics by my friend, Ruth Bebermeyer: <br /><br /><br /><br />I never feel more given to<br /><br />than when you take from me —<br /><br />when you understand the joy I feel<br /><br />giving to you.<br /><br />And you know my giving isn’t done<br /><br />to put you in my debt,<br /><br />but because I want to live the love<br /><br />I feel for you.<br /><br /><br /><br />To receive with grace<br /><br />may be the greatest giving.<br /><br />There’s no way I can separate<br /><br />the two.<br /><br />When you give to me,<br /><br />I give you my receiving.<br /><br />When you take from me, I feel so<br /><br />given to.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Song “Given To” (1978) by Ruth Bebermeyer from the album, “Given To.” <br /><br /><br /><br />to top of page <br /><br /><br /><br />When we give from the heart, we do so out of a joy that springs forth whenever we willingly enrich another person’s life. This kind of giving benefits both the giver and the receiver. The receiver enjoys the gift without worrying about the consequences that accompany gifts given out of fear, guilt, shame, or desire for gain. The giver benefits from the enhanced self-esteem that results when we see our efforts contributing to someone’s well-being. <br /><br /><br /><br />The use of NVC does not require that the persons with whom we are communicating be literate in NVC or even motivated to relate to us compassionately. If we stay with the principles of NVC, motivated solely to give and receive compassionately, and do everything we can to let others know this is our only motive, they will join us in the process and eventually we will be able to respond compassionately to one another. I’m not saying that this always happens quickly. I do maintain, however, that compassion inevitably blossoms when we stay true to the principles and process of NVC. <br /><br /><br /><br />the nvc process<br /><br />To arrive at a mutual desire to give from the heart, we focus the light of consciousness on four areas—referred to as the four components of the NVC model. <br /><br /><br /><br />First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life? The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation—to simply say what people are doing that we either like or don’t like. Four components of NVC:<br /><br />1. observation<br /><br />2. feeling<br /><br />3. needs<br /><br />4. request <br /><br /><br /><br />Next, we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated, etc.? And thirdly, we say what needs of ours are connected to the feelings we have identified. An awareness of these three components is present when we use NVC to clearly and honestly express how we are. <br /><br /><br /><br />For example, a mother might express these three pieces to her teenage son by saying, “Felix, when I see two balls of soiled socks under the coffee table and another three next to the TV, I feel irritated because I am needing more order in the rooms which we share in common.” <br /><br /><br /><br />She would follow immediately with the fourth component—a very specific request: “Would you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine?” This fourth component addresses what we are wanting from the other person that would enrich our lives or make life more wonderful for us. <br /><br /><br /><br />Thus, part of NVC is to express these four pieces of information very clearly, whether verbally or by other means. The other aspect of this communication consists of receiving the same four pieces of information from others. We connect with them by first sensing what they are observing, feeling, and needing, and then discover what would enrich their lives by receiving the fourth piece, their request. As we keep our attention focused on the areas mentioned, and help others do likewise, we establish a flow of communication, back and forth, until compassion manifests naturally: what I am observing, feeling, and needing; what I am requesting to enrich my life; what you are observing, feeling, and needing; what you are requesting to enrich your life.... <br /><br /><br /><br />to top of page <br /><br /><br /><br />NVC Process<br /><br /><br /><br />The concrete actions we are <br /><br />observing that are affecting our well-being <br /><br /><br /><br />How we are feeling in relation<br /><br />to what we are observing <br /><br /><br /><br />The needs, values, desires, etc.<br /><br />that are creating our feelings <br /><br /><br /><br />The concrete actions we request<br /><br />in order to enrich our lives <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Two parts of NVC:<br /><br />1. expressing honesty through the four components<br /><br />2. receiving empathically through the four components <br /><br /><br /><br />When we use this model, we may begin either by expressing ourselves or by empathically receiving these four pieces of information from others. Although we will learn to listen for and verbally express each of these components in Chapters 3–6, it is important to keep in mind that NVC does not consist of a set formula, but adapts to various situations as well as personal and cultural styles. While I conveniently refer to NVC as a “process” or “language,” it is possible to express all four pieces of the model without uttering a single word. The essence of NVC is to be found in our consciousness of these four components, not in the actual words that are exchanged. <br /><br /><br /><br />applying nvc in our lives and world<br /><br />When we use NVC in our interactions, with ourselves, with another person, or in a group, we become grounded in our natural state of compassion. It is therefore an approach that can be effectively applied at all levels of communication and in diverse situations: <br /><br /><br /><br />intimate relationships<br /><br />families<br /><br />schools<br /><br />organizations and institutions<br /><br />therapy and counseling<br /><br />diplomatic and business negotiations<br /><br />disputes and conflicts of any nature. <br /><br /><br /><br />Some people use NVC to create greater depth and caring in their intimate relationships: <br /><br /><br /><br />“When I learned how I can receive (hear), as well as give (express), through using NVC, I went beyond feeling attacked and ‘door mattish’ to really listening to words and extracting their underlying feelings. I discovered a very hurting man to whom I had been married for 28 years. He had asked me for a divorce the weekend before the [NVC] workshop. To make a long story short, we are here today, together, and I appreciate the contribution [it has] made to our happy ending. . . . I learned to listen for feelings, to express my needs, to accept answers that I didn’t always want to hear. He is not here to make me happy, nor am I here to create happiness for him. We have both learned to grow, to accept, and to love, so that we can each be fulfilled.”<br /><br />—workshop participant in San Diego <br /><br />to top of page <br /><br /><br /><br />Others use it to build more effective relationships at work. A teacher writes: <br /><br /><br /><br />“I have been using NVC in my special education classroom for about one year. It can work even with children who have language delays, learning difficulties, and behavior problems. One student in our classroom spits, swears, screams, and stabs other students with pencils when they get near his desk. I cue him with, ‘Please say that another way. Use your giraffe talk.’ [Giraffe puppets are used in some workshops as a teaching aid to demonstrate NVC.] He immediately stands up straight, looks at the person towards whom his anger is directed, and says calmly, ‘Would you please move away from my desk? I feel angry when you stand so close to me.’ The other students might respond with something like ‘Sorry! I forgot it bothers you.’<br /><br /><br /><br />I began to think about my frustration with this child and to try to discover what I was needing from him (besides harmony and order). I realized how much time I had put into lesson planning and how my need for creativity and contribution were being short-circuited in order to manage behavior. Also, I felt I was not meeting the educational needs of the other students. When he was acting out in class, I began to say, ‘I need you to share my attention.’ It might take a hundred cues a day, but he got the message and would usually get involved in the lesson.”<br /><br />—teacher, Evanston, Illinois <br /><br />A doctor writes: <br /><br /><br /><br />“I use NVC more and more in my medical practice. Some patients ask me whether I am a psychologist, saying that usually their doctors are not interested in the way they live their lives or deal with their diseases. NVC helps me understand what the patients’ needs are and what they are needing to hear at a given moment. I find this particularly helpful in relating to patients with hemophilia and AIDS because there is so much anger and pain that the patient/healthcare-provider relationship is often seriously impaired. Recently a woman with AIDS, whom I have been treating for the past five years, told me that what has helped her the most have been my attempts to find ways for her to enjoy her daily life. My use of NVC helps me a lot in this respect. Often in the past, when I knew that a patient had a fatal disease, I myself would get caught in the prognosis, and it was hard for me to sincerely encourage them to live their lives. With NVC, I have developed a new consciousness as well as a new language. I am amazed to see how much it fits in with my medical practice. I feel more energy and joy in my work as I become increasingly engaged in the dance of NVC.”<br /><br />—physician in Paris <br /><br />Still others use this process in the political arena. A French cabinet member visiting her sister remarked how differently the sister and her husband were communicating and responding to each other. Encouraged by their descriptions of NVC, she mentioned that she was scheduled the following week to negotiate some sensitive issues between France and Algeria regarding adoption procedures. Though time was limited, we dispatched a French-speaking trainer to Paris to work with the cabinet minister. She later attributed much of the success of her negotiations in Algeria to her newly acquired communication techniques. <br /><br /><br /><br />In Jerusalem, during a workshop attended by Israelis of varying political persuasions, participants used NVC to express themselves regarding the highly contested issue of the West Bank. Many of the Israeli settlers who have established themselves on the West Bank believe that they are fulfilling a religious mandate by doing so, and they are locked in conflict not only with Palestinians but with other Israelis who recognize the Palestinian hope for national sovereignty in this region. During a session, one of my trainers and I modeled empathic hearing through NVC, and then invited participants to take turns role-playing each others’ position. After twenty minutes, a settler announced her willingness to consider relinquishing her land claims and moving out of the West Bank into internationally recognized Israeli territory if her political opponents were able to listen to her in the way she had just been listened to. <br /><br /><br /><br />to top of page <br /><br /><br /><br />Worldwide, NVC now serves as a valuable resource for communities facing violent conflicts and severe ethnic, religious, or political tensions. The spread of NVC training and its use in mediation by people in conflict in Israel, the Palestinian Authority, Nigeria, Rwanda, Sierra Leone, and elsewhere have been a source of particular gratification for me. My associates and I were recently in Belgrade over three highly charged days training citizens working for peace. When we first arrived, expressions of despair were visibly etched on the trainees’ faces, for their country was enmeshed in a brutal war in Bosnia and Croatia. As the training progressed, we heard the ring of laughter in their voices as they shared their profound gratitude and joy for having found the empowerment they were seeking. Over the next two weeks, during trainings in Croatia, Israel, and Palestine, we again saw desperate citizens in war-torn countries regaining their spirits and confidence from the NVC training they received. <br /><br /><br /><br />I feel blessed to be able to travel throughout the world teaching people a process of communication that gives them power and joy. Now, with this book, I am pleased and excited to be able to share the richness of Nonviolent Communication with you. <br /><br /><br /><br />summary<br /><br />NVC helps us connect with ourselves and each other in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish. It guides us to reframe the way we express ourselves and listen to others by focusing our consciousness on four areas: what we are observing, feeling, and needing and what we are requesting to enrich our lives. NVC fosters deep listening, respect, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart. Some people use NVC to respond compassionately to themselves, some to create greater depth in their personal relationships, and still others to build effective relationships at work or in the political arena. Worldwide, NVC is used to mediate disputes and conflicts at all levels. <br /><br /><br /><br />nvc in action<br /><br />Interspersed throughout the book are dialogues entitled “NVC in Action.” These dialogues intend to impart the flavor of an actual exchange where a speaker is applying the principles of Nonviolent Communication. However, NVC is not simply a language or a set of techniques for using words; the consciousness and intent which it embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language. The NVC in Action dialogues you will be reading are necessarily distilled and abridged versions of real-life exchanges, where moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, gestures, etc. would all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties than might be apparent when dialogues are condensed in print. <br /><br /><br /><br />to top of page <br /><br /><br /><br />I was presenting Nonviolent Communication in a mosque at Deheisha Refugee Camp in Bethlehem to about 170 Palestinian Moslem men. Attitudes toward Americans at that time were not favorable. As I was speaking, I suddenly noticed a wave of muffled commotion fluttering through the audience. “They’re whispering that you are American!” my translator alerted me, just as a gentleman in the audience leapt to his feet. Facing me squarely, he hollered at the top of his lungs, “Murderer!” Immediately a dozen other voices joined him in chorus:“Assassin!” “Child-killer!” “Murderer!” <br /><br /><br /><br />Fortunately, I was able to focus my attention on what the man was feeling and needing. In this case, I had some cues. On the way into the refugee camp, I had seen several empty tear gas canisters that had been shot into the camp the night before. Clearly marked on each canister were the words “Made in U.S.A.” I knew that the refugees harbored a lot of anger toward the U.S. for supplying tear gas and other weapons to Israel. <br /><br /><br /><br />I addressed the man who had called me a murderer: <br /><br /><br /><br />I: Are you angry because you would like my government to use its resources differently? (I didn’t know whether my guess was correct, but what is critical is my sincere effort to connect with his feeling and need.) <br /><br />He: Damn right I’m angry! You think we need tear gas? We need sewers, not your tear gas! We need housing! We need to have our own country! <br /><br />I: So you’re furious and would appreciate some support in improving your living conditions and gaining political independence? <br /><br />He: Do you know what it’s like to live here for twenty-seven years the way I have with my family—children and all? Have you got the faintest idea what that’s been like for us? <br /><br />I: Sounds like you’re feeling very desperate and you’re wondering whether I or anybody else can really understand what it’s like to be living under these conditions. <br /><br />He: You want to understand? Tell me, do you have children? Do they go to school? Do they have playgrounds? My son is sick! He plays in open sewage! His classroom has no books! Have you seen a school that has no books? <br /><br />I: I hear how painful it is for you to raise your children here; you’d like me to know that what you want is what all parents want for their children—a good education, opportunity to play and grow in a healthy environment . . . <br /><br />He: That’s right, the basics! Human rights—isn’t that what you Americans call it? Why don’t more of you come here and see what kind of human rights you’re bringing here! <br /><br />I: You’d like more Americans to be aware of the enormity of the suffering here and to look more deeply at the consequences of our political actions? <br /><br /><br /><br />Our dialogue continued, with him expressing his pain for nearly twenty more minutes, and I listening for the feeling and need behind each statement. I didn’t agree or disagree. I received his words, not as attacks, but as gifts from a fellow human willing to share his soul and deep vulnerabilities with me. <br /><br /><br /><br />Once the gentleman felt understood, he was able to hear me as I explained my purpose for being at the camp. An hour later, the same man who had called me a murderer was inviting me to his home for a Ramadan dinner. <br /><br /><br /><br />—Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion”

“Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion” by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Chapter One: Giving from the Heart, the Heart of Nonvio...

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A Course in Miracles for Gerhard

A Course in Miracles. <br /><br /><br /><br />This self-study metaphysical thought system is unique in teaching forgiveness as the road to inner peace and the remembrance of the unconditional love of God. <br /><br /><br /><br />On this site you will find information about the history of the Course, its many foreign translations, the biographies of the two people who received this material and the bios of its translators. You will also find free daily online lessons.

A Course in Miracles for Gerhard

A Course in Miracles. This self-study metaphysical thought system is unique in teaching forgiveness as the road to inner peace and the remem...

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A Course in Miracles (also referred to as ACIM or the Course) is a self-study curriculum (spiritual in nature) that sets forth a pure non-dualistic metaphysics yet integrates (its definition of the principle of) forgiveness emphasizing its practical application in daily living.[1]<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />There is no author listed on either the cover or the title page of the copyrighted publication, nor is there a "personal name" listed for author/creator with the United States Library of Congress. However, in the Preface of the Course, under the section entitled "How It Came," there is a first-person account by Helen Schucman[2] who describes in her own words the process by which the material came to fruition. Schucman claimed to have written the material, with the help of William Thetford, based on the dictation of an inner Voice. In the last paragraph of this section, Shucman explains why the names of the collaborators do not appear on the cover.[3]<br /><br /><br /><br />The most recent copyrighted, published edition of A Course in Miracles is the only edition that contains in one place all of the writings that Schucman authorized to be printed. It is published solely by the Foundation for Inner Peace, the organization chosen by Schucman for this purpose. It consists of preface, text, workbook for students, manual for teachers, including clarification of terms, and two supplements: 1) Psychotherapy: Purpose, Process and Practice; and 2) The Song of Prayer (see image and infobox to right).<br />Judith Skutch Whitson,[4] President and Chairperson of the Foundation for Inner Peace, reports that nearly two million volumes of A Course in Miracles have been published and disseminated worldwide[5] since it first became available for sale in 1976. Additionally, A Course in Miracles has been translated into nineteen different languages with eight new translations underway.[6]

A Course in Miracles (also referred to as ACIM or the Course) is a self-study curriculum (spiritual in nature) that sets forth a pure non-du...

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Friedrich Nietzsche

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche

Friedrich Nietzsche

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche

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Pained by external things

“If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now.” -- Marcus Aurelius

Pained by external things

“If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out t...

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We live in a world that needs more soul, more meaning.

“We live in a world that needs more soul, more meaning. We, as conscious beings, have, as our primary responsibility, at this time in human history, the task of bringing soul into the world, or releasing soul into the world. We do this, first of all, in ourselves and in our own personal world; then we do it in our groups – including family; then we do it in our society through our work, relationships and presence there.” -- Andrew Schneider

We live in a world that needs more soul, more meaning.

“We live in a world that needs more soul, more meaning. We, as conscious beings, have, as our primary responsibility, at this time in human ...

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We can't depend on people to make us happy.SaltyJims message

The Secret <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The Secret <br /><br />One day, one friend asked another, <br /><br />'How is it that you are always so happy? <br /><br />You have so much energy, <br /><br />and you never seem to get down.' <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />With her eyes smiling, she said, <br /><br />'I know the Secret!' <br /><br />'What secret is that?' <br /><br />To which she replied, <br /><br />'I'll tell you all about it, <br /><br />but you have to promise to <br /><br />share the Secret with others.' <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />'The Secret is this: <br /><br />I have learned there is little I can do <br /><br />in my life that will make me truly happy <br /><br />I must depend on God to make <br /><br />me happy and to meet my needs. <br /><br />When a need arises in my life, <br /><br />I have to trust God to supply <br /><br />according to HIS riches. <br /><br />I have learned most of the time <br /><br />I don't need half of what I think I do. <br /><br />He has never let me down. <br /><br />Since I learned that 'Secret', I am happy.' <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The questioner's first thought was, <br /><br />'That's too simple!' <br /><br />But upon reflecting over her own life <br /><br />she recalled how she thought a bigger house <br /><br />would make her happy, but it didn't! <br /><br />She thought a better paying job <br /><br />would make her happy, but it hadn't. <br /><br />When did she realize her greatest happiness? <br /><br />Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren, <br /><br />playing games, eating pizza or reading a story, <br /><br />a simple gift from God. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Now you know it too! <br /><br />We can't depend on people to make us happy. <br /><br />Only GOD in His infinite wisdom can do that. <br /><br />Trust HIM! <br /><br />And now I pass the Secret on to you! <br /><br />So once you get it, what will you do? <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too! <br /><br />That GOD in His wisdom will take care of YOU! <br /><br />But it's not really a secret... <br /><br />We just have to believe it and do it.... <br /><br />Really TRUST IN GOD! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidj_-u6W2_aMOIlw1YEhhHWFq_bCCikEy3KvstVMqCaM8xJ00IanqYRrscjQPROPmAKK7re7V1SV3ZXtbkFpT6TIy24BX0dH7lW_i72k4oECSq9LcIAi5Dcgtc-HfPEjCGLQoGfhks0eiN/s1600-h/image002bc.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidj_-u6W2_aMOIlw1YEhhHWFq_bCCikEy3KvstVMqCaM8xJ00IanqYRrscjQPROPmAKK7re7V1SV3ZXtbkFpT6TIy24BX0dH7lW_i72k4oECSq9LcIAi5Dcgtc-HfPEjCGLQoGfhks0eiN/s320/image002bc.gif" /></a><br /></div>Just Pass It On!

We can't depend on people to make us happy.SaltyJims message

The Secret The Secret One day, one friend asked another, 'How is it that you are always so happy? You have so much energy, and you never...

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For it is as we listen that God speaks. And it is when we are still that God acts

“Prayer is a reaching, and every act of prayer stretches the soul. Prayer is spiritual exercise. There are many ways to pray, as there are many ways to God. … The way of the beginner is not the way of the master. Yet there is no atom of creation that does not have access to God. Each soul finds its way to Him at the level of his own experience.<br /><br /><br />“For some, prayer is thought; and for some, it is feeling too in articulate for thought to express. Communion with nature may be prayer, or the enjoyment of art and poetry and music. An act of kindness may be a prayer, a smile, a friendly hand. Work is often a prayer, for work is an affirmation of creative power. Praise is a kind of prayer. So is zeal.<br /><br />“… There is a prayer that is words, and a prayer that is silence. … Much of prayer is speaking, yet much of it is listening. … For it is as we listen that God speaks. And it is when we are still that God acts.”

For it is as we listen that God speaks. And it is when we are still that God acts

“Prayer is a reaching, and every act of prayer stretches the soul. Prayer is spiritual exercise. There are many ways to pray, as there are m...

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There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment

"There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. <br /><br />A man's whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands<br />the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue." <br />-- Hagakure

There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment

"There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man's whole life is a succession of moment after mo...

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you'll be a Man, my son!

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,<br /><br /><br />Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,<br /><br />Or being hated, don't give way to hating,<br /><br />And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:<br /><br /><br /><br />if you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,<br /><br />' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,<br /><br />if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,<br /><br />If all men count with you, but none too much;<br /><br /><br /><br />If you can fill the unforgiving minute<br /><br />With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,<br /><br />Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,<br /><br />And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

you'll be a Man, my son!

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And ...

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Scorpions and liquor.If you place a tiny amount of alcohol on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Scorpions and liquor.If you place a tiny amount of alcohol on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.<br /><br />That's because their lungs are along their sides.<br /><br /><br />Imagine how you would feel if someone poured alcohol directly into you lungs. I think you would go mad also. Also, proportionally, a drop of alcohol on a scorpion is like pumping five litres of Vodka down my throat in two seconds. I'm sure it would make me a little crazy!!!!!!! if not a little pissed.<br /><br />What a great life it is without scorpions and alcohol.

Scorpions and liquor.If you place a tiny amount of alcohol on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Scorpions and liquor.If you place a tiny amount of alcohol on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. That's bec...

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Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free"

YOU THINK YOU HAVE MONEY PROBLEMS?<br /><br />Due to the downturn in the economy, Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free" as has been the case for almost 75 years. Like many businesses, AA will now be charging for some things that used to be free, such as:<br />1--Being Rocketed into the 4th Dimension---$49.99 per trip, fuel surcharge applies, extra baggage NOT included. 5th dimension trips optional. See your sponsor for details.<br />2--Sponsorship - was free, NOW $9.99 per month, with 4 visits/15 phone calls per month free, after that, $2.00 each.<br />3--Membership Dues now $29.99/month, 10% discount for a 1-year plan.<br />4--Seating charges - Each seat now $1.00 per meeting, with a 20% discount for the 90-in-90 plan.<br />5--The "Pink Cloud" was free, NOW $14.99 per cloud, with a $5.00 per event environmental cleanup fee. These are the NEW ozone-free Pink Clouds that do NOT add to global warming.<br />6--Coffee to be $1.50 per cup, with a 10% discount for 5 or more cups.<br />7--Hugs now will be $2.50 each.<br />8--Conscious contact with GOD now $9.99/month, with the first 450 minutes free, then 0.10 cents/minute fee over. New "double your minutes for life" plan is a low $49.99 one time charge - holidays and weekends extra. See the current rate schedule, as GOD is VERY busy.<br />9--Accidental "cell phone going off during meeting charge" now set at $25.00 per ring (not per call).<br />10--"I've Been Thinking" fees to now be $3.00 each, with a relapse re-entry fee of only $99.99 each, if you're lucky enough to make it back into the rooms.<br />11-Publication of A.A. Birthdays in "The Messenger" fees will be $5.00 per 5 years of sobriety. $5.00 for 1 - 5 years, $10 for 5 -10 years, etc.<br />Please, void where prohibited by law, AA reserves the right to change none, all, or some of these rates at anytime, with no notice to you. If you need a notice of change of rates, a written request may be sent to AA World Service headquarters in New York, of course, a $10.00 fee applies.<br /><br /><br /><br />NOTE: The editor does not accept responsibility for your reaction to this article.

Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free"

YOU THINK YOU HAVE MONEY PROBLEMS? Due to the downturn in the economy, Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free...

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SCARS OF LIFE

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida, a little boy <br />decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.<br />In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, <br />leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, <br />not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator <br />was swimming toward the shore.His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and <br />closer together.In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.<br />Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father.<br />It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between <br />the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go.<br />A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.<br />Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails <br />dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved. The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars.<br />The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, 'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.'You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming <br />hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful.He did not and will not ever let you go. Please pass this on to those you love. God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to <br />others.You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through. Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how they got them.Also, it is so important that we are not selfish, to receive the blessings of these messages, without forwarding them to someone else. Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them, too - enough to not let them go .

SCARS OF LIFE

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a ...

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"Let the waters settleyou will see stars and moon mirrored in your Being." -- Rumi

"Let the waters settleyou will see stars and moon mirrored in your Being." -- Rumi

"Let the waters settleyou will see stars and moon mirrored in your Being." -- Rumi

"Let the waters settleyou will see stars and moon mirrored in your Being." -- Rumi

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2nd Annual 12 Step Music Fest Dates - NOV 5 - 8, 2009

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtoG95cRuw254wIdKsLe-_aW17pytNlJwsTKg2ODQlmY6OIMC3xC4Q5aBYbirLAJoh0FngHftzjDOj7DaHP-thVaPSbAkG5QUubL4UvaePS0WW4x6JHacasMrrcf4PL3WPrS21Sk6FCjs5/s1600-h/header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtoG95cRuw254wIdKsLe-_aW17pytNlJwsTKg2ODQlmY6OIMC3xC4Q5aBYbirLAJoh0FngHftzjDOj7DaHP-thVaPSbAkG5QUubL4UvaePS0WW4x6JHacasMrrcf4PL3WPrS21Sk6FCjs5/s320/header.jpg" /></a></div><br /><object height="349" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/682KlQmo_tI&border=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/682KlQmo_tI&border=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="349"></embed></object><br />Just been Invited to 2nd Annual 12 Step Music Fest Dates - NOV 5 - 8, 2009 any takers

2nd Annual 12 Step Music Fest Dates - NOV 5 - 8, 2009

Just been Invited to 2nd Annual 12 Step Music Fest Dates - NOV 5 - 8, 2009 any takers

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Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia, boob jobs and erectile dysfunction, according to clinicians and researchers testifying before a Senate committee Thursday. "The internet is a perfect drug delivery system because you are anonymous, aroused and have role models for these behaviors," Layden said. "To have drug pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it better than grown-ups know how to use it -- it's a perfect delivery system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who will never have the drug out of their mind." Pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, since coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever, Layden said. Jeffrey Satinover, a psychiatrist and advisor to the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality echoed Layden's concern about the internet and the somatic effects of pornography. "Pornography really does, unlike other addictions, biologically cause direct release of the most perfect addictive substance," Satinover said. "That is, it causes masturbation, which causes release of the naturally occurring opioids. It does what heroin can't do, in effect." The internet is dangerous because it removes the inefficiency in the delivery of pornography, making porn much more ubiquitous than in the days when guys in trench coats would sell nudie postcards, Satinover said. Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kansas), the subcommittee's chairman, called the hearing the most disturbing one he'd ever seen in the Senate. Brownback said porn was ubiquitous now, compared to when he was growing up and "some guy would sneak a magazine in somewhere and show some of us, but you had to find him at the right time."

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia, boob jobs and erectile dysfunction, according to ...

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“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -- Alexander Smith

“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -- Alexander Smith

“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -- Alexander Smith

“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -- Alexander Smith

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If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube, it would be about the size of an eight room house

<blockquote>"If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube, it would be about the size of an eight room house. If a man got possession of all that gold -- billions of dollars worth -- he could not buy a friend, character, peace of mind, clear conscience or a sense of eternity." -- Charles F. Bunning</blockquote>

If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube, it would be about the size of an eight room house

"If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube, it would be about the size of an eight room house. If a man got posse...

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An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings

An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings <br /><br />received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be <br />the permanent assets we shall seek.<br />-- Twelve Steps And Twelve Traditions, Gerhard Alexander Scheutz

An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings

An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be the...

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Learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship

<blockquote>Learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship. This means learning to be conscious of what you are feeling and being open to learning about what you are doing to create your own feelings, instead of being a victim and believing that others are causing your feelings. Your feelings come from how you treat yourself and others, from what you tell yourself and what you believe about yourself and others, rather than from others behaviour. Blaming others for your feelings will always lead to major relationship problems.Why not start today by taking your eyes off your partner and putting them squarely on yourself? In reality, you are the only one you actually have control over. You are the only one you can change.</blockquote>

Learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship

Learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship. This ...

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Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker

Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker - will always run into problems. Many people leave these relationships, only to discover the same problems in their next relationships. Takers and caretakers can switch places in different relationships and over different issues, but the problems remain the same - anger, resentment, distance, lack of sexuality, boredom, feeling unloved and unloving.Takers are people who tend to be narcissistic - that is, they are self-centered with an excessive need for attention and admiration. The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from others with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama. The taker uses many forms of both overt and covert control to get the attention he or she wants.Takers not only want a lot of control, but are often afraid of being controlled and become overtly or covertly resistant to doing what someone else wants them to do. The taker might resist with denial, defending, procrastination, rebellion, irresponsibility, indifference, withdrawal, deadness, numbness, rigidity, and/or incompetence.In a relationship, takers operate from the belief that "You are responsible for my feelings of pain and joy. It is your job to make sure that I am okay."Caretakers, on the other hand, operate from the belief that "I am responsible for your feelings. When I do it right, you will be happy and then I will receive the approval I need." Caretakers sacrifice their own needs and wants to take care of the needs and wants of others, even when others are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to others from fear rather than love - they give to get.<br />Neither takers nor caretakers take responsibility for their own feelings and wellbeing. Takers generally attempt to have control over others' giving them the attention and admiration they want in overt ways, while caretakers attempt to have control over getting approval in more covert ways, such as compliance, doing to much for others, and/or withholding their wants and opinions.Because neither takers nor caretakers are taking care of themselves, they will each end up feeling angry, resentful, trapped, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged.

Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker

Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker - will always run into problems. Many pe...

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Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break them.

Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break them. These relationships have a compulsive quality; you get hurt, but you keep going back for more, in the hope of changing something.<blockquote>In codependent relationships you comply. You adapt to the dysfunction of the relationship and deny your own reality, especially what you are feeling.<br />You also control. You try to manipulate your partner, and the relationship, to be what you want them to be, when they may not be.</blockquote>You control yourself in order to try to fit when you do not. So compliance is a passive way of controlling.<blockquote>Compliance and controlling are essentially dishonest. Dishonesty in relationships does not, ultimately, work; clarity and honesty do.</blockquote>Denial of what is causes it to backfire on you, to appear in unexpected and uncomfortable ways. If you deny your own reality, you will attract it in the form of painful lessons, taught to you by your enemies, or those who hurt and anger you in some way.When you comply, adapting with the needs of another person, bending yourself to fit, you lose your sense of self. This causes you pain. You are in a constant state of grieving for this lost Self, and longing to be united with it again. You transfer this longing onto another person, so that they become your Self; you fall in love with them as a reflection of yourself that you do not own. They become your soul. You become dependent for your sense of self. You feel you cannot live without the other person, because, without them to reflect you, to give you life, you cease to be. You merge with them, you lose your identity, your boundaries, and have no protection, are open to abuse and violation. You become addicted to the thrill, the rise in adrenalin, that makes you feel vital and alive. You deny the fear you feel. Because the denial of feelings keeps you numb and dead, you need a `fix` to wake you up again; you crave more. This is the basis of love addiction. Dangerous, non-productive relationships become exciting; you do not register danger, but get high on it instead.This merging is what we call falling in love. In fact, you fall in longing. Healthy people grow to love, gradually, as they get to know each other. You cannot love what we do not know. Healthy people form relationships that are not exclusive, that create love. People around them feel it. Codependents create relationships that shut others out.<br />You can experience this pain as a longing for God, putting that God outside of yourself and giving him/her responsibility for your life. You use spirituality as your drug, as an avoidance, to deny your feelings, your reality. You can space out on it. Or you make gods of other people. Your compliance to their needs gets them to rescue you. You try to get them to parent you, to meet the needs that were not met for you in your infancy, when you are not an infant now, and when those needs are no longer appropriate to your adult life. You abdicate from responsibility for yourself but take responsibility for others instead, just as you tried to do for parents who were inadequate for you. In handing over control of your own life and trying to control the lives of others, you create even more pain, when you are trying to avoid or heal it.The more you deny yourself, the more you are trapped in pain and longing; the more you are constantly searching. But you will never find the Self that you are seeking in other people, in relationships, because it is not there, outside of you, it is inside you; it is not a god, but your own divinity.The other paradox is that, as long as you involve yourself in other people's lives, trying to live through them, at the expense of your own; as long as you sacrifice your Self and your life to someone or something else, rather than contributing towards the greater whole, the emptier you will feel, and the more you will depend on those outside sources to fill you up. You compromise for the sake of a false sense of security and accept less than you would like it to be.<br />This is the addictive quality of codependency. You use people and behaviours; you may use substances too, to kill the pain of your non-being and to fill up the emptiness, the void that you feel, when you do not have a life of your own, a sense of meaning and purpose. You cannot have a life until you have a self to live that life, which means a complete self with personal desires and feelings. Yet you are afraid to confront yourself. You do not believe in your ability to create your own reality, to fill yourself up from your own resources, because you have been taught dependency. Codependency has been encouraged in our society. We are taught to believe in our helplessness because this benefits others and gives them a sense of a power that they would not otherwise possess.When you hand over your responsibility, you become a victim. You blame, shame, and express your anger as rage and impotence. You feel constant frustration and resentment. Most of your strategies are set up to avoid your greatest fear, abandonment, and feeling it. As well as clinging, to people or fantasies, obsessions, you isolate in order not to feel the need for other people. Then you may get your needs met in manipulate ways, by making people dependent on you. This is called counter-dependency. You appear not to need anybody.You fear intimacy because you will lose your boundaries if you do not know how to be an individual, with your own identity, separate and independent. Mainly you have not been encouraged to separate, in healthy ways, from your family, from dependencies in your society. You have not been encouraged in self-responsibility. Yet you have been encouraged to appear independent and not need anybody.You have experienced pain in the past, losses you have never grieved. You will experience losses in the future. But the pain you feel when you grieve is short-term, freeing, cleansing, sweet and releasing, soft pain, when you dare to look inside yourself and face this pain of the past. It is different to the hard, long-term pain of pain on pain that you accumulate when you put yourself into relationships or situations that recreate the pain of your childhood and prevent you from taking responsibility for yourself and yoor life today.<br />You do need other people, in a healthy way. A healthy society functions through inter-dependence. I believe that your developmental process takes you from dependence, which is biological, healthy and normal for infants, through independence, which you need in order to separate you from your family and create an identity, to inter-dependence. It is only when you are a separate human being that you can share who you are with others.Your sharing will then be out of choice, from a place of freedom in yourself. Your relationships will complement what you have, rather than compensating for what you lack.<br />Adapted and reproduced from a paper published in The Natural Network Newsletter 1996

Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break them.

Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break...

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The joy of healthy sharing which sets us free from the burden of self.

When many of us were growing up no-one listened to us. We were told our feelings were wrong or that they did not matter. We were often interrupted and criticised. As adults we are used to taking care of other people and not taking responsibility for our own lives. So in our meetings we speak about our own experiences and feelings. We listen without comment to what others say because it is true for them. In this way we work towards taking responsibility for our own lives, rather than giving advice to others.<br /><br />It is important for our recovery to know that we can share without fear of interruption, contradiction or criticism.- We do not judge, offer advice or comment on what other people say in meetings, even if the comment is positive or solicited - this is 'feedback'.<br />- We do not interrupt one another or engage in discussion - this is called 'crosstalk'. When sharing, we use 'I' statements and avoid using the word 'you' or addressing someone by 'name'. Crosstalk can include: physical contact or touch, passing tissues, body movements such as nodding ones head or rolling the eyes, laughter, verbal sounds such as 'hmms', snorting or huffing and distracting behaviour such as whispering, eating or making a noise.<br />Crosstalk and feedback are strongly discouraged in CoDA, since as co-dependents we are working to break away from dependency on what others think, feel or advise. Crosstalk infringes on boundaries, and many people find crosstalk or feedback unsafe. When we ask for no crosstalk, we have set a boundary in order to create a safe environment. No crosstalk nurtures recovery rather than co-dependency. It reminds us to focus on our own recovery rather than be distracted with helping or controlling others.<br />If a previous members share echoes within you and inspires you to speak, we suggest you stick to the 'general topics' you identify with, only. If you would like to speak to someone about something they have shared, please do so after the meeting, asking their consent first.<br />The secretary may read these guidelines again to remind members of this CoDA principle. Please do not be upset or embarrassed if this happens - it is only to maintain the safety of the room, to help us identify co-dependent behaviour and further our recoveries and awareness of this principle.

The joy of healthy sharing which sets us free from the burden of self.

When many of us were growing up no-one listened to us. We were told our feelings were wrong or that they did not matter. We were often inter...

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